Last night around the tea table I was talking to the girls about the divorce, and that I'm going to a hearing this morning. It started because I told them they need to be ready early for school this morning cos I need to be in town at about 9 for an appointment. Madame I, being ever-curious, asked what the appointment was so I told them. Princess S offers her little bit in a very bright and bubbly voice "Cos it is broken like Humpty Dumpty". Well, I guess she understands that reconciliation isn't on the agenda! It was so nice to laugh with them about it.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Computers and rocks
It's been a while - I tried to post something a couple of weeks ago and there was some kind of glitch with the website and it wouldn't let me upload it. So I've been sulking since then.
For some time now when I turn on my computer I have been getting 2 pop ups telling me some obscure .dll files are missing. It's not been a big deal, but just annoying every time I turn it on. Also when I'd turn it off some process would 'hang' as only Microsoft products can and I'd have to 'end task' so it would shut down. So I decided to actually legally purchase the required operating system (XP Pro) and Office so that I could reformat the hard drive and have a clean system.
It was a fairly lengthy process in the end. I have a second hard drive (internal) in the pc which is 75GB, and the original hard drive which is only about 40GB (hence keeping all my documents and photos on the extra hard drive). I had to copy all the info (documents, photos- lots, and music - lots) onto my laptop via a 4GB pen drive. This took a few hours just in itself. Then I tried to just reinstall XP through the start up process via the disk. It didn't work, just reinstalled XP without actually reformatting the drives.
So I did what all good hackers (ie novelists, not experts!) do, and I googled 'reformat hard drive'. Thank goodness for all those geeks out there who spend hours writing stuff on the net for thick heads like me! I followed the instructions for reformatting the extra drive first, then the original hard drive was reformatted via the start up process with a bit of 'tweaking'. It worked like a charm!
The only issue I had was that in reformatting, my computer then didn't recognise any audio devices so my speakers wouldn't work. This is a considerable issue for me as I don't have a stereo, I have iTunes with really good speakers on my pc. Eventually last night (with a bit of advice from my very patient nephew, B, I found the right drivers and installed them and hey presto! my speakers now work.
The other 'funny' thing - and I mean funny in the way that you do when you talk about Microsoft! the other funny thing that happened was a couple of days after the reformat the automatic updates downloaded Service Pack 3 for XP Pro. No big deal, always happy to have the latest version of what I'm using. Except that once it had installed and then restarted (cos you can't use ANY Microsoft products without restarting the computer first) the two missing .dll file messages were back! OMG!!!!! So it was SP3 that caused my problems in the first place!!!!!
Of course, I googled the exact message I was getting and discoveed it was indeed from SP3 and it was to do with the USB wireless receiver I use. So I followed the instructions to download a file from the D-Link website and hey presto! no more error messages!!!
I'm feeling prreeeetttttyyy happy with myself! And my computer is running like a dream (except I'm still in the process of loading all the music into iTunes, although I did find a new feature in it today that makes it a bit easier - of course I did, cos it's not a Microsoft product!!)
And I can hear a couple of my friends in particular (I shall not name names in this forum!) who are screaming at me JUST GET A MAC. Yes, I know, I wouldn't have any of these problems if I had a Mac. But there would be some things I still couldn't do as 'cleanly' as I can with a pc. And I can't afford one. So I shall settle with being a genius on my own pc. (kind of like being a legend in my own lunch box)
And now for the rocks.... Princess S has been collecting rocks. Plain, ordinary, gravel type rocks. And she's been stuffing them in the pockets of her school uniform (dress or shorts), bringing them home (bulging all the way) and carefully placing them in her jewellery box! I've asked her why she collects them and she said it's because they're all different, and some are bumpy and some are smooth, some are orange and some are white. I guess that's fair enough. But for a girl who really is a bit of a princess, and values 'beautiful' things in life like jewellery and accessorising her clothes, I find it very oxymoronic that she is fascinated by rocks! At the very least, I find it amusing. And she gets them out all the time and looks through them all! They don't fit just in her jewellery box anymore cos she's got too many, so now they're in a tin as well and she's trying to work out what else she's got that she can put them in! It's just so funny.
I do wonder if she has some latent pscyhological issue....but I guess we won't know that for a few years yet! (just joking)
For some time now when I turn on my computer I have been getting 2 pop ups telling me some obscure .dll files are missing. It's not been a big deal, but just annoying every time I turn it on. Also when I'd turn it off some process would 'hang' as only Microsoft products can and I'd have to 'end task' so it would shut down. So I decided to actually legally purchase the required operating system (XP Pro) and Office so that I could reformat the hard drive and have a clean system.
It was a fairly lengthy process in the end. I have a second hard drive (internal) in the pc which is 75GB, and the original hard drive which is only about 40GB (hence keeping all my documents and photos on the extra hard drive). I had to copy all the info (documents, photos- lots, and music - lots) onto my laptop via a 4GB pen drive. This took a few hours just in itself. Then I tried to just reinstall XP through the start up process via the disk. It didn't work, just reinstalled XP without actually reformatting the drives.
So I did what all good hackers (ie novelists, not experts!) do, and I googled 'reformat hard drive'. Thank goodness for all those geeks out there who spend hours writing stuff on the net for thick heads like me! I followed the instructions for reformatting the extra drive first, then the original hard drive was reformatted via the start up process with a bit of 'tweaking'. It worked like a charm!
The only issue I had was that in reformatting, my computer then didn't recognise any audio devices so my speakers wouldn't work. This is a considerable issue for me as I don't have a stereo, I have iTunes with really good speakers on my pc. Eventually last night (with a bit of advice from my very patient nephew, B, I found the right drivers and installed them and hey presto! my speakers now work.
The other 'funny' thing - and I mean funny in the way that you do when you talk about Microsoft! the other funny thing that happened was a couple of days after the reformat the automatic updates downloaded Service Pack 3 for XP Pro. No big deal, always happy to have the latest version of what I'm using. Except that once it had installed and then restarted (cos you can't use ANY Microsoft products without restarting the computer first) the two missing .dll file messages were back! OMG!!!!! So it was SP3 that caused my problems in the first place!!!!!
Of course, I googled the exact message I was getting and discoveed it was indeed from SP3 and it was to do with the USB wireless receiver I use. So I followed the instructions to download a file from the D-Link website and hey presto! no more error messages!!!
I'm feeling prreeeetttttyyy happy with myself! And my computer is running like a dream (except I'm still in the process of loading all the music into iTunes, although I did find a new feature in it today that makes it a bit easier - of course I did, cos it's not a Microsoft product!!)
And I can hear a couple of my friends in particular (I shall not name names in this forum!) who are screaming at me JUST GET A MAC. Yes, I know, I wouldn't have any of these problems if I had a Mac. But there would be some things I still couldn't do as 'cleanly' as I can with a pc. And I can't afford one. So I shall settle with being a genius on my own pc. (kind of like being a legend in my own lunch box)
And now for the rocks.... Princess S has been collecting rocks. Plain, ordinary, gravel type rocks. And she's been stuffing them in the pockets of her school uniform (dress or shorts), bringing them home (bulging all the way) and carefully placing them in her jewellery box! I've asked her why she collects them and she said it's because they're all different, and some are bumpy and some are smooth, some are orange and some are white. I guess that's fair enough. But for a girl who really is a bit of a princess, and values 'beautiful' things in life like jewellery and accessorising her clothes, I find it very oxymoronic that she is fascinated by rocks! At the very least, I find it amusing. And she gets them out all the time and looks through them all! They don't fit just in her jewellery box anymore cos she's got too many, so now they're in a tin as well and she's trying to work out what else she's got that she can put them in! It's just so funny.
I do wonder if she has some latent pscyhological issue....but I guess we won't know that for a few years yet! (just joking)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Job applications
Having decided that I need a part-time job to help with cash flow, I've started the search and apply process. I've applied for one in a community service organisation close to the girl's school and home, and am nervously waiting for an interview. Today I completed my first government application in a very long time. Man, they take so long to do! The hope is, of course, that you can copy and paste a lot of what they want from other positions you've applied for. But getting that first one done is really hard work.
Thanks to my wonderful (and government-employed) sister TE I have completed my first application, and I have to say I think I sound pretty wonderful, articulate, intelligent and wise! Time will tell....the waiting is certainly a painful process, and I have a couple of others to do now as well.
Isn't it nice to have some great spring weather?! I have thoroughly enjoyed our winter this year, being lovely and cold and very wet. But it is nice to feel the warmth of the sun when you go outside, and still have those gentle cool breezes. I'd be quite happy for the weather to stay like this until autumn next year.
The girls are loving their Friday night netball competition. Madame I's team is in a comp that is one level too high for them, so have not had a win yet, although they came close last Friday night. She is a great little defender and is learning that her position is just as valuable as the goal shooter. Princess S seems to be somewhat lacking in a netball intuition....she'll throw the ball to a team mate and then just stand there - as though that's all she needs to do to contribute to the game! I've tried to remind her that she needs to run (doesn't happen often with her normally anyway!) with the play and keep up so they can throw the ball to her again, but she just doesn't seem to get it. It's quite funny observing myself at her games because all I want to do is yell at her to run, jump, put your hands up, etc. but we're not allowed to do that! So I encourage gently and celebrate with her when her team wins. Maybe she'll catch on, maybe she won't, we'll see.
Thanks to my wonderful (and government-employed) sister TE I have completed my first application, and I have to say I think I sound pretty wonderful, articulate, intelligent and wise! Time will tell....the waiting is certainly a painful process, and I have a couple of others to do now as well.
Isn't it nice to have some great spring weather?! I have thoroughly enjoyed our winter this year, being lovely and cold and very wet. But it is nice to feel the warmth of the sun when you go outside, and still have those gentle cool breezes. I'd be quite happy for the weather to stay like this until autumn next year.
The girls are loving their Friday night netball competition. Madame I's team is in a comp that is one level too high for them, so have not had a win yet, although they came close last Friday night. She is a great little defender and is learning that her position is just as valuable as the goal shooter. Princess S seems to be somewhat lacking in a netball intuition....she'll throw the ball to a team mate and then just stand there - as though that's all she needs to do to contribute to the game! I've tried to remind her that she needs to run (doesn't happen often with her normally anyway!) with the play and keep up so they can throw the ball to her again, but she just doesn't seem to get it. It's quite funny observing myself at her games because all I want to do is yell at her to run, jump, put your hands up, etc. but we're not allowed to do that! So I encourage gently and celebrate with her when her team wins. Maybe she'll catch on, maybe she won't, we'll see.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
The D word
I've been quite surprised over the last few days by my emotions. I emailed D to let him know the divorce papers would be coming and his response triggered a tsunami of emotions that totally caught me off guard. I can hear you ask, wow, he must have really gone off his tree....what did he say?
Well, his response was "Not so much of a shock, been resigned to it now."
It was a real anti-climax. I felt quite deflated. Then later I experienced a flood of grief. Being the analytical person I am, I started probing my reaction to find the trigger. I realised that I had wanted D to fight for me. I wanted him to fight against his 'issues' and fight for me. I've been waiting for him to do this since I found out what he'd been up to, nearly a year ago. But all I've gotten from him has been lies, and empty platitudes about how sorry he is, and reasons why he thinks I've contributed to our marriage breakdown. So I'm left feeling a bit abandoned by him.
I have to say, I'm ok. I'm not in the depths of depression. I do feel sad and I've had a time of letting the grief out. But I am 'together' and coping. I have just been so shocked by my reaction to him finally accepting what is happening.
I had a chat with a very dear friend yesterday about it and she reassured me that whatever you feel is what you feel, it's not right or wrong and you can't predict how you're going to react. Just go with it. So thanks L, you're a great friend and I'm really glad we've gotten to know each other.
More to come....
Well, his response was "Not so much of a shock, been resigned to it now."
It was a real anti-climax. I felt quite deflated. Then later I experienced a flood of grief. Being the analytical person I am, I started probing my reaction to find the trigger. I realised that I had wanted D to fight for me. I wanted him to fight against his 'issues' and fight for me. I've been waiting for him to do this since I found out what he'd been up to, nearly a year ago. But all I've gotten from him has been lies, and empty platitudes about how sorry he is, and reasons why he thinks I've contributed to our marriage breakdown. So I'm left feeling a bit abandoned by him.
I have to say, I'm ok. I'm not in the depths of depression. I do feel sad and I've had a time of letting the grief out. But I am 'together' and coping. I have just been so shocked by my reaction to him finally accepting what is happening.
I had a chat with a very dear friend yesterday about it and she reassured me that whatever you feel is what you feel, it's not right or wrong and you can't predict how you're going to react. Just go with it. So thanks L, you're a great friend and I'm really glad we've gotten to know each other.
More to come....
Friday, October 16, 2009
Nearly 12 months
Next week will mark the 12month 'anniversary' of my separation from D. I've been looking forward (in a funny kind of way) to this moment so that I can get some closure and 'move on' emotionally.
Now that's it almost here it is a bit overwhelming. I've filled in the divorce papers and have them ready to be notarised and lodged next Thursday. I just sent D an email to forewarn him that they will be coming cos I'm pretty sure he will be devastated by it.
I can feel all the grief and sadness and hurt flooding back again. It's quite surreal. I'll have to remember to be gentle with myself in the coming days and weeks I guess.
Now that's it almost here it is a bit overwhelming. I've filled in the divorce papers and have them ready to be notarised and lodged next Thursday. I just sent D an email to forewarn him that they will be coming cos I'm pretty sure he will be devastated by it.
I can feel all the grief and sadness and hurt flooding back again. It's quite surreal. I'll have to remember to be gentle with myself in the coming days and weeks I guess.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Conditioned Taste Aversion
One of my current Uni subjects is Intro to Psychology and this week I'm learning about Learning. One thing that's mentioned is a thing called Conditioned Taste Aversion.
"Suppose you want to teach a rat to dislike a certain food, such as prawns. Following the usual procedure, you pair the food (prawns) with drugs that cause nausea or other unpleasant symptoms (toxic event). The rat would then learn to associate the flavour of the food with nausea and leave it alone." (direct quote from my lecture slides)
So I'm thinking if I could get hold of a drug that causes nausea, I could condition myself to not want chocolate, cakes, or any other unhealthy food.
Any suggestions of where I could get such a drug? (this is kind of tongue in cheek, but I do wonder why this treatment isn't used for people like me who have learned to be emotional eaters?)
"Suppose you want to teach a rat to dislike a certain food, such as prawns. Following the usual procedure, you pair the food (prawns) with drugs that cause nausea or other unpleasant symptoms (toxic event). The rat would then learn to associate the flavour of the food with nausea and leave it alone." (direct quote from my lecture slides)
So I'm thinking if I could get hold of a drug that causes nausea, I could condition myself to not want chocolate, cakes, or any other unhealthy food.
Any suggestions of where I could get such a drug? (this is kind of tongue in cheek, but I do wonder why this treatment isn't used for people like me who have learned to be emotional eaters?)
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
A new doctor
It's been a while since I blogged last. Maybe that's a sign that life is moving on.
Today I had an appointment with a new GP (I wasn't feeling as supported by my last one as I should have). We had a bit of a getting-to-know-you session and I was quite surprised when I was talking to her about the revelations etc of the last 12 months she actually cried! Even doctors have a life, and feelings and sometimes our lives touch theirs. Needless to say I feel a lot more supported by her.
We talked about about my weight and a motivation to get rid of a lot of it. She actually asked me "what would happen for you to say 'f*** you' to lost some weight?" Ah, it was funny. She's a middle-aged woman of migrant parents (although she might not appreciate that description) and she said the 'f' word was one of the first english words she learned....of course. So now I'm left pondering what makes me angry enough to motivate me?
Today I had an appointment with a new GP (I wasn't feeling as supported by my last one as I should have). We had a bit of a getting-to-know-you session and I was quite surprised when I was talking to her about the revelations etc of the last 12 months she actually cried! Even doctors have a life, and feelings and sometimes our lives touch theirs. Needless to say I feel a lot more supported by her.
We talked about about my weight and a motivation to get rid of a lot of it. She actually asked me "what would happen for you to say 'f*** you' to lost some weight?" Ah, it was funny. She's a middle-aged woman of migrant parents (although she might not appreciate that description) and she said the 'f' word was one of the first english words she learned....of course. So now I'm left pondering what makes me angry enough to motivate me?
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