The Power of Place

It seems to be a very powerful thing, to know whose you are, where you belong, where you come from, where you go to for shelter and protection, etc.

I don't quite understand how a tattoo can fill this hole but it has. I feel like I've been branded, by my Dad. I guess in a crude sense it's like branding your cattle - it says they belong to you and if they are found wandering it's clear where they need to be returned to (or where they belong).

I think it was touched on a bit in the movie Australia when the young boy needed to go walkabout to find himself, to find who he really was as a person.

What do you do when you don't know what your heritage is? How do you find your sense of 'place' then? I think this has been part of my searching. Having found the signature of a parent I barely knew has helped me find my 'place'.

Here it is!

So, this is my new tattoo - decided I didn't want to wait for it to heal up properly before I show you. It is a bit red and swollen, so it will look nicer in a week or so.

The guy who did it said my Dad had really crappy handwriting! I explained that he'd been a shearer, so when I first asked Mum for a signature I was kind of expecting it might be an 'X' on a page! I was actually impressed with it. I had to explain to the tattooist (who is an artist, a very very good one, and a perfectionist) that I know this isn't 'art' and what he's used to doing, but it's really important to me. He did understand that, and was encouraging me to come back and get some art done sometime.... we'll see.

It actually didn't hurt as much as I thought it would - but yes, it did hurt! There were two guys who got there at the same time and they'd both booked in for 4 hours of work!!!! Oh my gosh! I just can't imagine laying there for 4 hours with that sort of pain and no epidural! I did say to him that if he could give me an epidural I'd consider coming for a 4 hour session, but he just laughed so I guess that's not going to happen.

I'm going out for dinner tonight so hopefully it won't bother me too much while I'm being a little social butterfly. One thing's for sure - I'm positive it won't stop me from wanting to eat!!! lol....

I haven't told the girls yet that I've got it and they've just left with D until tomorrow afternoon. If I can I'll probably wait til it's healed up a bit first and looks a bit prettier.

Well, that's all for now folks. Cheerio

Tattoo

Hah! I bet that title got your attention!

I'm heading off shortly to get a tattoo. My Mum found a copy of my Dad's signature (from their wedding certificate) and I'm getting his signature tattooed near my heart. Why? Some of you would know why, but for the others, I've always felt I had a 'dad hole' in me. He died when I was about 4 years old. I don't think I really understood the dad hole until I reconnected with his half sister when I was in my twenties (late twenties I think). When I spent time with her that first time I remember thinking "this is where I've come from, this is who I am and where I belong". It's not that I felt like I didn't belong in my family - I've always felt very firmly a sense of belonging with my Mum and siblings. You'd only have to see a photo of us all to know that we're related and that gives a big sense of belonging, and also even though we're all quite different we are all very similar. But there were pieces of the puzzle of 'me' that were still missing for me, and getting to know Dad's side of the family has helped to fill those pieces. I will never be able to have a chat with my Dad but I feel that having his signature tattooed on me reminds me of where I belong, whose I am, and keeps him close to me in a way.

I'm also thinking about getting another tattoo (shock, horror, gasp!) perhaps on my lower back of a symbol of new beginnings. I haven't settled yet on what I want it to be, but I think perhaps for my birthday I might do that. But then again, after today I might decide I never want that sort of pain again!

Well, I'm gonna get going. Once the tattoo's stopped bleeding and pussing and crusting (!) I'll take a photo and post it here on my blog.

Wish me luck..... (I am quite nervous and scared about doing something so radical and permanent and painful!)