Friendship and taking sides

Speaking to D the other night and he told me that he's going to a men's bible study at church now, and is going to a home group that we used to go to as a family for a while. We stopped going cos we seemed to spend most of the night trying to get the girls to go to sleep and then when they finally did, it would be nearly time to go home, so we kind of just gave up and stopped going.
I'm really happy for him that he's doing this stuff cos I know it will be really good for him and his journey. BUT I'm also actually angry at him for doing it. Curious, isn't it!? I'm angry that now he might journey through all this crap I've been wanting him to journey through for years, and he might actually deal with some significant stuff. And it's too late for us. Speaking with a friend of his today I said all this (above) and he said, why is it too late? I told him that I can't go back into marriage with Daniel after what he's done, and he said so there's no redemption for him then? It was an innocent question and certainly wasn't meant to judge me (at least I don't think it was) and it represents so much misunderstanding around our situation. I explained that my decision has nothing to do with redemption or forgiveness - I forgive him every single day, but I can never ever never trust him again. If you don't have trust you can't have a marriage. I think he understood what I was saying but there is a very fine line for me now with people making judgements about my decision and supporting us both through this. I get the feeling that some Christian friends are 'encouraging' him (trying to help him see the good in life and helping to lift him out of his despair) and either deliberately or inadvertently feeding his false hope that we will get back together again. I'm not just talking about this friend I spoke with today. How do you continue an honest friendship with both parties from a marriage breakdown, and not judge or mislead either of them? I'm not actually sure that any of us in our humanity can do it, and even with the wisdom and discernment we can have from God I don't think it's possible. So where does that leave us? I guess it leaves me assessing all my friendships with honest eyes and heart, and being realistic about what people can and do offer me in the way of support and what I expect from them.
I've been reading a book called "growing through divorce" and it has been really quite helpful, considering it's written by an American. He does talk about the fact that most (almost everyone) lose friends when they go through a divorce. I scoffed at that to start with but now I'm starting to see the truth of it. I don't for a second believe that people dislike me for my decision. But I do think some people are very challenged by it for lots of reasons, most of which I'll never even know about let alone understand. I am aware though that people who have been through 'similar' situations (ie separation and/or divorce) can view my separation through the lens of their own experience. This is just normal human behaviour. And it's reasonable then to think that if they made a certain decision then why can't I? Well, it's because my situation isn't the same as anyone else's. D and I are not the same people as they are, so we all bring different personalities and other issues to the situation. I can't deal with this the same way that other wives have dealt with similar issues. Because I am me. I am starting to understand why some of my friendships will be changing. I still value those friends dearly but I know that there's been a shift and my expectations will be different.
I guess to be honest, it didn't start just with the separation. There have certainly been instances in the past where I've gone through a significant time in my life and friendships have grown or faded through it, and I've just adjusted and kept going. Same thing now.
It's all food for thought.
On a completely different note, I have some friends with a little boy who is really sick. They adopted him from the Philippines and found out after he turned 2 that he has an awful condition called Chiari Malformation. He's gotten a lot worse (he's now 3) and they're flying to Sydney this weekend for him to have brain and spinal surgery to try and stop (or lessen) the effects it's having on him. Please pray for them all that the doctors will have success in halting the degeneration of his body, and that maybe they could find some kind of cure - there is no cure at the moment. They have three older children at home as well. A really tough time for them all as they (quite literally) are doing all they can for the life of their little boy.
Til next time