Tonight I went out for a girls night with some ladies from my church. In a very un-churchy way, we met at S-Bar (like a restaurant/pub kind of place) at Marion which was really cool. One of the girls from church was being interviewed about how she saw different aspects of her life. It was very well done.
The interesting thing for me, was that this girl - and let's call her Trudy - claimed to be very introverted and is 'learning' to reach out to her friends, rather than have them always be the one to contact her.
Trudy has a reasonably public face in our church and I have not really gotten to know her on a personal level at all. Partly because we've just moved in different circles, her children are quite a bit younger than mine, and also probably because I had pretty much 'checked out' of getting to know people since D and I separated 2.5 years ago. I also am quite shy - I can overcome that when I need to, but mostly I'm pretty shy and feel very self-conscious introducing myself to new people.
So, I had assumed that Trudy and I hadn't ever really chatted because she didn't need any new friends as she obviously had pretty good ones already, and maybe she just didn't want to get to know me. Isn't funny how it's always about me?! I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not educated enough, I'm not talented enough, I'm blah blah blah.
The realisation tonight was that Trudy is just as (if not more so) shy as me, and perhaps may have been waiting for me to break the ice! Maybe she was thinking the same things about me that I was about her. It's possible that we could have been quite good friends, if not for 'us' getting in the way. She is about to move overseas for a few years with her family so we just may never know.
It doesn't really matter, and this is certainly not about 'what might have been', or if-only's.... This is about me realising that not all people are outgoing extroverts, wanting to strike up a friendship with me. Some people are quite shy and introverted and might like to get to know me, but struggle with the same thing I do - what will I say? what will we talk about? what do we have in common?
I need to get over myself a bit more, and just bite the bullet and talk.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I'm in the new house
Hi again. I got my internet connection yesterday (Monday) so now there's no stopping me....well, using the internet is stopping me from unpacking, but there you go. I'm now connected to Naked DSL with Adam Internet. It means I don't have to have a phone connection with Telstra at all. YIPEE!! I use the existing phone line and have an internet connection through it. Then I use a special modem where my normal telephone can plug into it and all my phone calls are via the internet line (even when my computer isn't turned on). Now I can make untimed national and local calls for 12cents each! If I ever get to know anyone overseas then apparently the calls are much cheaper to them too. Anyway, I'm happy to have it all back on again, and very happy to not have to deal with Telstra anymore.
The move went really really well. I had a heap of people from my church help me move furniture on Saturday- 7 other people in fact. On Friday night BF (this means best friend by the way, not boy friend!!) and two other friends from church came to help me unpack the kitchen stuff. My sister and niece and Mum and another friend had come in the afternoon as well so most of the kitchen was unpacked already. By the time we had tea and were ready to unpack, the power still wasn't on.....after a few phone calls, some wine and lots of laughing and story telling one of the girls flicked the safety switch (which I had tried to do earlier in the day and it wouldn't move for me....) and the power came on! at 11:30pm!!!! Of course it was too late to do any work by then but at least the power was working. We had a really great night of just talking, as women often do, and it was a nice way to 'christen' my new home.
I've also had lots of people make meals for us and even one fantastic lady who brought lunch to us on Saturday and provided a huge spread to some very tired workers. I was very thankful that the forecast temp. from earlier in the week of 37C got revised and it was only 32C I think on the day.
Tomorrow I have the last day at the old house doing the 'big clean'. Some other lovely ladies from church have offered to come and help me with the cleaning which I'm VERY thankful for. Then later in the afternoon I hand the keys back to the agent and it's all done.
I do have a new back yard which is still fairly cluttered with boxes that I still have to unpack and find homes for the contents. This is the great thing about moving house in summer, you can leave stuff outside overnight and it's fine! I think we've done almost all of our moves in the cooler months previously.
It was a very emotional time at the old house, packing up the last remnants from the bathroom cupboard and taking the box out to the car. The house looked so odd being empty. We've been in that house for nearly 3 years, so Princess S has spent half her life there! There have been lots of happy times there, and of course there have also been the worst times particularly in the last few months. Looking at the empty house I thought "like our possessions that used to fill this house, the marriage is now gone completely". It really took me by surprise. It's so final. I will have a (little) time of grieving - probably until tomorrow afternoon when I hand the keys back and walk away from it.
It really is nice to be in a new home and set things up the way I want, and to keep the things that I really want to keep. I have had to get rid of a lot more things since arriving here as the house is really quite small and there's just no way it's all going to fit - and I guess I actually don't want to keep everything anyway. It's been a really positive time of realising that I can do this, being a single Mum, moving house, getting rid of excess stuff (even some Tupperware!!!) and looking to the future to establish who we are now.
The girls seem to be coping pretty well. Madame I had a bit of a tough time last week with all the changes, and I think we were all in a bit of a heatwave hangover (like most of Adelaide). She has picked up a bit this week, though still needs lots of patience for now. Princess S is just happy and seems to find joy in pretty much everything. It's a lovely environment here (a group of 6 units) and we have a really lovely neighbour who we'd actually met at her workplace a little while ago! And it turns out I know her sister-in-law too.... small world!
I start online university in a couple of weeks so I need to get organised around here so that I can get my head around all that.
Have been able to have some good chats with D lately too which is good. Even though he was looking for a miracle in us reconciling, I think the miracle is that I now don't hate him (ie don't want to stick sharp scissors into his eyes, or cut off his you-know-what anymore). I think the fact that we can have reasonable, amicable, almost friendly chats is quite a miracle and I'm very thankful for that. I'm really thankful that I am able to forgive and don't have to be caught up in bitterness and hatred for the rest of my life. I know I will still have days every now and then where I'll be looking for the sharp scissors.....but that's normal and healthy and it's not 'where I live' it's just 'where I visit'.
So here's to a new start, and the closing of a whole series of chapters in my life. Cheers!
The move went really really well. I had a heap of people from my church help me move furniture on Saturday- 7 other people in fact. On Friday night BF (this means best friend by the way, not boy friend!!) and two other friends from church came to help me unpack the kitchen stuff. My sister and niece and Mum and another friend had come in the afternoon as well so most of the kitchen was unpacked already. By the time we had tea and were ready to unpack, the power still wasn't on.....after a few phone calls, some wine and lots of laughing and story telling one of the girls flicked the safety switch (which I had tried to do earlier in the day and it wouldn't move for me....) and the power came on! at 11:30pm!!!! Of course it was too late to do any work by then but at least the power was working. We had a really great night of just talking, as women often do, and it was a nice way to 'christen' my new home.
I've also had lots of people make meals for us and even one fantastic lady who brought lunch to us on Saturday and provided a huge spread to some very tired workers. I was very thankful that the forecast temp. from earlier in the week of 37C got revised and it was only 32C I think on the day.
Tomorrow I have the last day at the old house doing the 'big clean'. Some other lovely ladies from church have offered to come and help me with the cleaning which I'm VERY thankful for. Then later in the afternoon I hand the keys back to the agent and it's all done.
I do have a new back yard which is still fairly cluttered with boxes that I still have to unpack and find homes for the contents. This is the great thing about moving house in summer, you can leave stuff outside overnight and it's fine! I think we've done almost all of our moves in the cooler months previously.
It was a very emotional time at the old house, packing up the last remnants from the bathroom cupboard and taking the box out to the car. The house looked so odd being empty. We've been in that house for nearly 3 years, so Princess S has spent half her life there! There have been lots of happy times there, and of course there have also been the worst times particularly in the last few months. Looking at the empty house I thought "like our possessions that used to fill this house, the marriage is now gone completely". It really took me by surprise. It's so final. I will have a (little) time of grieving - probably until tomorrow afternoon when I hand the keys back and walk away from it.
It really is nice to be in a new home and set things up the way I want, and to keep the things that I really want to keep. I have had to get rid of a lot more things since arriving here as the house is really quite small and there's just no way it's all going to fit - and I guess I actually don't want to keep everything anyway. It's been a really positive time of realising that I can do this, being a single Mum, moving house, getting rid of excess stuff (even some Tupperware!!!) and looking to the future to establish who we are now.
The girls seem to be coping pretty well. Madame I had a bit of a tough time last week with all the changes, and I think we were all in a bit of a heatwave hangover (like most of Adelaide). She has picked up a bit this week, though still needs lots of patience for now. Princess S is just happy and seems to find joy in pretty much everything. It's a lovely environment here (a group of 6 units) and we have a really lovely neighbour who we'd actually met at her workplace a little while ago! And it turns out I know her sister-in-law too.... small world!
I start online university in a couple of weeks so I need to get organised around here so that I can get my head around all that.
Have been able to have some good chats with D lately too which is good. Even though he was looking for a miracle in us reconciling, I think the miracle is that I now don't hate him (ie don't want to stick sharp scissors into his eyes, or cut off his you-know-what anymore). I think the fact that we can have reasonable, amicable, almost friendly chats is quite a miracle and I'm very thankful for that. I'm really thankful that I am able to forgive and don't have to be caught up in bitterness and hatred for the rest of my life. I know I will still have days every now and then where I'll be looking for the sharp scissors.....but that's normal and healthy and it's not 'where I live' it's just 'where I visit'.
So here's to a new start, and the closing of a whole series of chapters in my life. Cheers!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Back on track
I'm still here - haven't done myself in out of desperation!
I'm really thankful for great friends who help steer me on this journey, and can be truthful with me.
I'm probably not moving to Strathalbyn just yet - it's still a possibility for the future, but not in the next 12 months.
This morning I was thinking about people's reactions to the news that friends have separated. I know of some pastors who have given warnings to people in the past about their behaviours or attitudes and that if they don't get dealt with, it will be the end of their marriage. Then when the marriage goes off the tracks, those people sit back and say "well, I did warn them....".
See, the thing is that just because we've given someone a warning about something, doesn't mean we are absolved of all responsibility does it? I know that people have to want to get help (ovbiously, I'm aware of that through very harsh personal experience) but don't we all have a responsibility to help one another (bearing each other's burdens whilst carrying our own loads). I don't think it's ok for anyone to sit back and feel satisfied that they've done all they could, just because they pointed out issues in another person's life. We need to journey with people on their road to healing, and I mean a solid, committed journey of life, not just a connecting on Sunday and a phone call during the week to make us feel better. That is not truly caring for someone. A Kiwi speaking at a Mainly Music conference last year (Mick Duncan) said that we need to solidly commit to journey with someone for 18months before we can expect to see any real change in their life. I think Rob Bell may have also reinforced this in one of his Nooma dvd's. ("004 Sunday")
What responsibility do we have to help each other along this journey? I don't think Jesus would have just walked away if it looked too hard and too messy. But then with the Rich Young Ruler He laid out the conditions and allowed the guy to walk away.... I'm a bit confused. I guess I just don't like the self-righteousness that sometimes comes with people's attitudes and judgements regarding the mistakes and potholes we fall into in life sometimes.
On another completely different note - I'm very unhappy about our heatwave this week. Typically the first week back at school is a stinker, but isn't this just a bit ridiculous?! 35, 41, 41, 41, 39, 35, 37.....and that's celcius not farenheidt!!! Keep cool friends.
I'm really thankful for great friends who help steer me on this journey, and can be truthful with me.
I'm probably not moving to Strathalbyn just yet - it's still a possibility for the future, but not in the next 12 months.
This morning I was thinking about people's reactions to the news that friends have separated. I know of some pastors who have given warnings to people in the past about their behaviours or attitudes and that if they don't get dealt with, it will be the end of their marriage. Then when the marriage goes off the tracks, those people sit back and say "well, I did warn them....".
See, the thing is that just because we've given someone a warning about something, doesn't mean we are absolved of all responsibility does it? I know that people have to want to get help (ovbiously, I'm aware of that through very harsh personal experience) but don't we all have a responsibility to help one another (bearing each other's burdens whilst carrying our own loads). I don't think it's ok for anyone to sit back and feel satisfied that they've done all they could, just because they pointed out issues in another person's life. We need to journey with people on their road to healing, and I mean a solid, committed journey of life, not just a connecting on Sunday and a phone call during the week to make us feel better. That is not truly caring for someone. A Kiwi speaking at a Mainly Music conference last year (Mick Duncan) said that we need to solidly commit to journey with someone for 18months before we can expect to see any real change in their life. I think Rob Bell may have also reinforced this in one of his Nooma dvd's. ("004 Sunday")
What responsibility do we have to help each other along this journey? I don't think Jesus would have just walked away if it looked too hard and too messy. But then with the Rich Young Ruler He laid out the conditions and allowed the guy to walk away.... I'm a bit confused. I guess I just don't like the self-righteousness that sometimes comes with people's attitudes and judgements regarding the mistakes and potholes we fall into in life sometimes.
On another completely different note - I'm very unhappy about our heatwave this week. Typically the first week back at school is a stinker, but isn't this just a bit ridiculous?! 35, 41, 41, 41, 39, 35, 37.....and that's celcius not farenheidt!!! Keep cool friends.
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