Last weekend I read a book on my Kindle that has had me thinking a lot during the week. It was Divorced, Desperate and Dating. It was very, very hot and heavy in places – I’ve commented to a couple of friends that I felt the need to have a cigarette in a few places! Of course I didn’t.... (I haven’t smoked since I was 21). I wouldn’t normally go for what my niece termed ‘mummy porn’ but the story was very well written with a murder-mystery theme.
The conclusion that I’ve come to in my musings this week is that books like this are aimed at the need in us women that we want to be noticed, we want to be ‘seen’. In the way the Na’avi on Pandora (Avatar movie) have a greeting that says “I see you”. To be really, truly, seen. From the depths of our souls to the superficial cover of our bodies.
I also think the movie The Wedding Date reaches for this connection with women. Debra Messing’s character pays a gigilo to accompany her to her sister’s wedding in London. She pays $6,000 so that her ex-fiancé believes she doesn’t miss him, or want him back. Of course the story line is predictable with the gigilo (the very spunky Dermott Mulroney) falling in love with her. My favourite scene in the movie is where he makes her feel all woozy by NOT kissing her – not quite, that is! Another moment to reach for the cigarette packet! The premise of the movie though, is that a woman may not be desirable on the outside (or feel that she is) but if she could just get a guy to spend enough time with her he would fall in love with her when he ‘sees’ her.
Another movie, A Walk To Remember, has the lead female, a very straight-shooting teenage daughter of a pastor, agreeing to tutor a hot young jock who’s a naughty boy. She agrees to tutor him but first makes him promise he won’t fall in love with her! Now there’s a girl who understands this whole thing. Regardless of the outside packaging, if you spend enough time with someone and get to ‘see’ them you are likely to fall in love with them.
So, what about girl-guy friendships? Girls being best friends with guys? Who knows. I sure don’t. I’ve had my share of guy best-friends. In my experience the romance/long term relationship thing always got in the way at some point. And it’s usually one person who’s happy with the way things are and the other wants it to be different and that presents a dead-end for the friendship. I’ve been on both sides of this scenario and neither are easy.
Anyway, I think it just comes back to women wanting to know that someone notices them and this leads to them feeling they’re a significant person in the world, not just one speck amongst 6 billion others. John and Staci Eldridge talk about this beautifully in Captivating. The underlying question for girls/women is “Do you see me?”, “Am I lovely?”. I remember Princess S asking me this as she twirled around in a dress when she was three years old! “Am I lovely Mummy?”. Some of us feel that we don’t ever really get that question answered to our satisfaction. And it drives a subconscious searching.
Like the facebook status that says “Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a retard in tin foil” my knight turned out to be something far different from what I was expecting.
