I've been involved in a several discussions recently about anti-depressants.
I have been taking them since the birth of Princess S (apart from a break of about a year during which time I realised I'll probably need them for the rest of my life, and I'm not comfortable with that). *sorry, I've just re-read this and it should read "I'm comfortable with that - if I have to take tablets for the rest of my life to help me be nice then that's ok with me".
Different people ask 'which ones do you take?', 'what do you think about long term use?' etc.
It has got me thinking about the depressive times I've had and which anti-depressants I felt were more helpful at the time. I've had 3 different brands at 3 different times of my life.
I won't bore you with the detail - most of you would know anyway! But in contemplating this today during the most restful, peaceful, nurturing day I think I've ever had, I realise that I am now happy. Truly happy.
I laugh. A lot. I make jokes that are (usually) appropriate. I am enjoying the relationships I have with my daughters, my best friend and my sister/best friend. I enjoy my job and in nearly 18months have had only perhaps 1 day when I really didn't feel like going to work - and that was this week because I've just been feeling so worn out.
I feel more confident in myself than I think I ever have. I'm comfortable with disagreeing with other people and not worrying that they won't like me because I disagree with them.
I still feel a bit icky in the romance/self esteem stakes, but I can live with that.
I am very thankful for who I am now, and where I'm at in life. I'm thankful for a mysterious faith that keeps me going, for a loving God who will never leave me or forsake me, for beautiful children who really do bless me (had to happen eventually!), for a loving and supportive family of origin, and for the best friend anyone could hope for. I also have great friends in my church, and love the girl's home group I'm leading and learning with.
I do feel very blessed tonight. Isn't it amazing what a day of rest can do for one's soul!
