Not a good night

How do I go from being really happy and content, to being in the depths of despair in just 24hours?
Yesterday I had my second to last appointment with the psychologist I've been seeing. I was feeling very stable, and felt I was coping really well with everything.
Then today I start feeling depressed and stressed about my study. There is just such a huge amount of reading to do and I can't speed read so it's just so tedious. Then for one of the subjects I have to post a discussion thread every week, of about 300 words on particular issues. And doing that for 12 weeks is worth 10% of my marks for that subject! It's a huge amount of work for not very much reward. And I have to do a 1500 word essay for that subject that I don't even have time to look at cos it's taking me so long to do the reading and discussion thread each week!
Then tonight the girls went ballistic in the bathroom (as they do) even though I warned them to behave. One of them broke the shower alcove door and neither of them will own up to who did it. They both say the other one did it. I'm pretty sure Princess S did it. Madame I was extremely distressed that I didn't believe her that she didn't do it. Princess S just says I didn't do it, it was Madame I. So what am I supposed to do?! In all the yelling and blaming and me being upset, Madame I even said 'bloody' as a swear word. Now I feel like I'm the worst mother in the world. What sort of mother am I that my children can't even be honest with me?
Now, I am very aware that I have a sensitivity to lying, given the huge lie that my husband lived for 10 years of marriage to me. I understand that it has some bearing on this. But I just cannot tolerate being lied to. It's just the worst thing that you could do to me. Why does a 6 year old feel the need to lie? And why does she think it's ok? I keep saying in my head "she's just like her bloody father" and I know that's not fair. I feel so helpless, powerless. How do I get her to tell me the truth? How do I prevent things escalating so quickly to the point where no-one is going to be honest?!
So now I feel like it's all just too much. Maybe I should stop studying and just get a job cos that's easier. I feel like a failure and I don't know how I'm going to pass these units when I just struggle so much with understanding the material, and getting through all the reading.
I don't want to be a failure, but surely life needs to be a bit easier doesn't it?
I just don't know what to do.
I'm hoping that it will all look a bit brighter tomorrow.

Odd advice from a paediatrician

Tonight Princess S had an appointment with her paediatrician. She has been on losec since she was about 10 weeks old, and has had a trial of 5 weeks off it. We're all very happy that she's fine and doesn't appear to have the chronic reflux issues that she's had most of her young life. She also hasn't had asthma for about a year so that is also fantastic. So, for the time being at least, we don't need to see Dr P anymore. This is great news. We've been to see him at least every 6 months since Princess S was 14 weeks old (we switched from another paediatrician at this point). Dr P is a wonderful doctor - the type who believes that Mums should be listened to as they know their child better than anyone, the type of doctor who always refers to little girls (even babies) as women. He's also pretty cute for an (oldish) guy! Everyone who's ever taken their kids to him agrees - well, at least the women, anyway!
Last time we saw him was about a month after D and I separated. He gave me a mini lecture about getting back into the 'scene' and that I was still so young I should not stay single for too long, I still have a lot to offer someone..... This was all a bit odd, embarrassing/uncomfortable coming from my daughter's doctor.
So tonight he wanted to know how things are going. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no and he asked if I was having casual sex?!!! What?!?! This is my daughter's doctor! I told him that as much as I would like that, I'm a Christian and I don't believe casual sex is a great idea for me. He said, "well, it can be ok can't it in a committed relationship? like committed for a few hours"!!!! OMG! he's such a crack up. I think he actually was reasonably serious.
I'm sad to know that we won't go back to see him. He's such a lovely doctor. Thanks Dr P for being so great and helping us through some pretty tough times.
ps I told him my BFF (I've changed this from BF cos it seemed to suggest boyfriend, instead of best friend...) had a son 21 years ago and he was the paediatrician and my friend told him to leave cos he was too good looking! He actually blushed a bit and said 'yeah, that's happened a couple of times!' How funny is he.
I'll be going to bed with a smile on my face tonight thinking about his world view.

Death, and studying

I found out last night that one of my cousins died on Monday. We had a family reunion in Sept 07 and he was diagnosed with cancer soon after that. He must have been fairly sick for some time because by that stage he had cancer in all his major organs and was given months to live. It's very sad. He was about to turn 43 (his birthday is in 3 weeks) and was married with three young children.
His funeral is Friday afternoon (in Coonalpyn!) so I'm going to take the girls out of school for the day and take them to the funeral.
I also have the girls for the whole weekend this weekend. This will be the first time (apart from Easter weekend) that I've had a whole weekend with them since we separated I think. It will be nice to be able to do normal family type stuff, like visiting friends together. I do miss them a lot when they're not here.
I've started my next two subjects at Uni. Cultural Perspectives on Science and Technology and the other one is Social Sciences in Australia. My head is hurting considerably more than it was last study period. I hope I can bluff my way through this.
I won't find out my exam result from last study period until June 29th apparently.

Update on assignment

The rest of the world is probably not anywhere near as excited about this as I am, but I got my major assignment back yesterday and I got 76% for it! I am over the moon with that. Given that the last uni assignment I did a couple of years ago I failed because I didn't write academically enough, I was really worried about this.
So now I've got some confidence going into the exam for tomorrow evening. I just need to get 45% for it to pass the exam, and therefore the whole unit which is (hopefully) going to be easy enough.
Just wanted to share the good news.