I've been involved in a several discussions recently about anti-depressants.
I have been taking them since the birth of Princess S (apart from a break of about a year during which time I realised I'll probably need them for the rest of my life, and I'm not comfortable with that). *sorry, I've just re-read this and it should read "I'm comfortable with that - if I have to take tablets for the rest of my life to help me be nice then that's ok with me".
Different people ask 'which ones do you take?', 'what do you think about long term use?' etc.
It has got me thinking about the depressive times I've had and which anti-depressants I felt were more helpful at the time. I've had 3 different brands at 3 different times of my life.
I won't bore you with the detail - most of you would know anyway! But in contemplating this today during the most restful, peaceful, nurturing day I think I've ever had, I realise that I am now happy. Truly happy.
I laugh. A lot. I make jokes that are (usually) appropriate. I am enjoying the relationships I have with my daughters, my best friend and my sister/best friend. I enjoy my job and in nearly 18months have had only perhaps 1 day when I really didn't feel like going to work - and that was this week because I've just been feeling so worn out.
I feel more confident in myself than I think I ever have. I'm comfortable with disagreeing with other people and not worrying that they won't like me because I disagree with them.
I still feel a bit icky in the romance/self esteem stakes, but I can live with that.
I am very thankful for who I am now, and where I'm at in life. I'm thankful for a mysterious faith that keeps me going, for a loving God who will never leave me or forsake me, for beautiful children who really do bless me (had to happen eventually!), for a loving and supportive family of origin, and for the best friend anyone could hope for. I also have great friends in my church, and love the girl's home group I'm leading and learning with.
I do feel very blessed tonight. Isn't it amazing what a day of rest can do for one's soul!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Suits and humour
My sister PE is down from the country for work and staying at a very nice hotel in the city. This evening we went to her hotel to say hi. She had the most beautiful view from the 19th floor of the Stamford Plaza, looking over Parliament House, the Railway Station and Adelaide Oval.
In the lift on the way back down a man got in who was wearing a suit and I must say he looked very very handsome. He was quite tall and stood in front of the digital screen which showed which floor the lift was at.
Madame I made a comment that she couldn't see the screen so he made a funny comment and actually squatted down so she could see it. It was quite a funny moment. Generally when you get in a lift no-one speaks, and everyone tries to pretend that no-one else is there.
After we left the hotel I remarked to the girls "that man in the lift was very handsome, wasn't he?". Madame I replies "yes, and he had a very good sense of humour, which is very important in a man". What a complete and total crack up! I think she will be part of the screening process if I ever have the opportunity to have a boyfriend again :-)
We then started a conversation about men wearing suits. I started it (admittedly) by saying that a suit just does something to a man, and even a fairly unattractive guy looks really handsome in a suit.
I've been teasing (very gently) Madame I about a young man she knows who is just the loveliest young guy and she gets on reasonably well with him. His mum is just one of the nicest women I know and his sister is a friend of Madame I's. I told her the other day that 'M' would be a great husband - you'd have a great sister-in-law and mother-in-law (I don't really know the dad, but he seems very nice).
Tonight when we were talking about men in suits she immediately bursts out with "well, if M was in a suit I'd sure want to marry him". She is just so funny sometimes. I laughed so loud I think I could have been heard miles away.
She's going to turn 11 in 2 months and she is just growing into a lovely young lady/girl. Her sense of humour is finally developing (along with other parts of her anatomy!) and we do have some real fun at times.
So, it seems we will both end up (hopefully) with men who have a great sense of humour and wear suits a lot! :-)
In the lift on the way back down a man got in who was wearing a suit and I must say he looked very very handsome. He was quite tall and stood in front of the digital screen which showed which floor the lift was at.
Madame I made a comment that she couldn't see the screen so he made a funny comment and actually squatted down so she could see it. It was quite a funny moment. Generally when you get in a lift no-one speaks, and everyone tries to pretend that no-one else is there.
After we left the hotel I remarked to the girls "that man in the lift was very handsome, wasn't he?". Madame I replies "yes, and he had a very good sense of humour, which is very important in a man". What a complete and total crack up! I think she will be part of the screening process if I ever have the opportunity to have a boyfriend again :-)
We then started a conversation about men wearing suits. I started it (admittedly) by saying that a suit just does something to a man, and even a fairly unattractive guy looks really handsome in a suit.
I've been teasing (very gently) Madame I about a young man she knows who is just the loveliest young guy and she gets on reasonably well with him. His mum is just one of the nicest women I know and his sister is a friend of Madame I's. I told her the other day that 'M' would be a great husband - you'd have a great sister-in-law and mother-in-law (I don't really know the dad, but he seems very nice).
Tonight when we were talking about men in suits she immediately bursts out with "well, if M was in a suit I'd sure want to marry him". She is just so funny sometimes. I laughed so loud I think I could have been heard miles away.
She's going to turn 11 in 2 months and she is just growing into a lovely young lady/girl. Her sense of humour is finally developing (along with other parts of her anatomy!) and we do have some real fun at times.
So, it seems we will both end up (hopefully) with men who have a great sense of humour and wear suits a lot! :-)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
A different way of looking at it
Tonight I went out for a girls night with some ladies from my church. In a very un-churchy way, we met at S-Bar (like a restaurant/pub kind of place) at Marion which was really cool. One of the girls from church was being interviewed about how she saw different aspects of her life. It was very well done.
The interesting thing for me, was that this girl - and let's call her Trudy - claimed to be very introverted and is 'learning' to reach out to her friends, rather than have them always be the one to contact her.
Trudy has a reasonably public face in our church and I have not really gotten to know her on a personal level at all. Partly because we've just moved in different circles, her children are quite a bit younger than mine, and also probably because I had pretty much 'checked out' of getting to know people since D and I separated 2.5 years ago. I also am quite shy - I can overcome that when I need to, but mostly I'm pretty shy and feel very self-conscious introducing myself to new people.
So, I had assumed that Trudy and I hadn't ever really chatted because she didn't need any new friends as she obviously had pretty good ones already, and maybe she just didn't want to get to know me. Isn't funny how it's always about me?! I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not educated enough, I'm not talented enough, I'm blah blah blah.
The realisation tonight was that Trudy is just as (if not more so) shy as me, and perhaps may have been waiting for me to break the ice! Maybe she was thinking the same things about me that I was about her. It's possible that we could have been quite good friends, if not for 'us' getting in the way. She is about to move overseas for a few years with her family so we just may never know.
It doesn't really matter, and this is certainly not about 'what might have been', or if-only's.... This is about me realising that not all people are outgoing extroverts, wanting to strike up a friendship with me. Some people are quite shy and introverted and might like to get to know me, but struggle with the same thing I do - what will I say? what will we talk about? what do we have in common?
I need to get over myself a bit more, and just bite the bullet and talk.
The interesting thing for me, was that this girl - and let's call her Trudy - claimed to be very introverted and is 'learning' to reach out to her friends, rather than have them always be the one to contact her.
Trudy has a reasonably public face in our church and I have not really gotten to know her on a personal level at all. Partly because we've just moved in different circles, her children are quite a bit younger than mine, and also probably because I had pretty much 'checked out' of getting to know people since D and I separated 2.5 years ago. I also am quite shy - I can overcome that when I need to, but mostly I'm pretty shy and feel very self-conscious introducing myself to new people.
So, I had assumed that Trudy and I hadn't ever really chatted because she didn't need any new friends as she obviously had pretty good ones already, and maybe she just didn't want to get to know me. Isn't funny how it's always about me?! I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not educated enough, I'm not talented enough, I'm blah blah blah.
The realisation tonight was that Trudy is just as (if not more so) shy as me, and perhaps may have been waiting for me to break the ice! Maybe she was thinking the same things about me that I was about her. It's possible that we could have been quite good friends, if not for 'us' getting in the way. She is about to move overseas for a few years with her family so we just may never know.
It doesn't really matter, and this is certainly not about 'what might have been', or if-only's.... This is about me realising that not all people are outgoing extroverts, wanting to strike up a friendship with me. Some people are quite shy and introverted and might like to get to know me, but struggle with the same thing I do - what will I say? what will we talk about? what do we have in common?
I need to get over myself a bit more, and just bite the bullet and talk.
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