Tonight I went out for a girls night with some ladies from my church. In a very un-churchy way, we met at S-Bar (like a restaurant/pub kind of place) at Marion which was really cool. One of the girls from church was being interviewed about how she saw different aspects of her life. It was very well done.
The interesting thing for me, was that this girl - and let's call her Trudy - claimed to be very introverted and is 'learning' to reach out to her friends, rather than have them always be the one to contact her.
Trudy has a reasonably public face in our church and I have not really gotten to know her on a personal level at all. Partly because we've just moved in different circles, her children are quite a bit younger than mine, and also probably because I had pretty much 'checked out' of getting to know people since D and I separated 2.5 years ago. I also am quite shy - I can overcome that when I need to, but mostly I'm pretty shy and feel very self-conscious introducing myself to new people.
So, I had assumed that Trudy and I hadn't ever really chatted because she didn't need any new friends as she obviously had pretty good ones already, and maybe she just didn't want to get to know me. Isn't funny how it's always about me?! I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not educated enough, I'm not talented enough, I'm blah blah blah.
The realisation tonight was that Trudy is just as (if not more so) shy as me, and perhaps may have been waiting for me to break the ice! Maybe she was thinking the same things about me that I was about her. It's possible that we could have been quite good friends, if not for 'us' getting in the way. She is about to move overseas for a few years with her family so we just may never know.
It doesn't really matter, and this is certainly not about 'what might have been', or if-only's.... This is about me realising that not all people are outgoing extroverts, wanting to strike up a friendship with me. Some people are quite shy and introverted and might like to get to know me, but struggle with the same thing I do - what will I say? what will we talk about? what do we have in common?
I need to get over myself a bit more, and just bite the bullet and talk.
2 comments:
I know!! That completely surprised me too. And I'm friends with her! As she was describing her shyness/introvertedness, it was as if she was describing me. Except the difference is she did tonight, I never could! Though I'm getting better at reaching out, but it's hard work for me to do so.
it's a common problem...i'm working through the same things at the moment. Even in catching up with you I've been slack. I just figured that you were getting on with your life and probably didn't need me...should get over myself, hey! I've always admired you so much and have missed spending time with you over the last few years! and guess what, I never imagined that you describe yourself as shy...xxx
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