Tonight D told me about an organisation that holds groups (meetings) for people with addictions and their families. The families can go to meetings on a certain evening when the addicts are not there - to help come to terms with what has been happening and to show them how to help support the addict to a place of healing.
I don't want to go, but I do want to go.
I want to go to get some understanding of what has happened and why, in an effort to hopefully help me move on.
But I don't want to go because I am scared that I'll be pressured (externally or internally) to forgive him and take him back. Boy that sounds whacky! I'm actually scared that somehow, I'm going to feel pressure to reconcile with Daniel. So I don't want to forgive him so that I won't have to face that risk. Hmmmm, just as well I'm seeing a psychologist! This will give her something to discuss at our next meeting...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Forgiveness and anger
Is it possible to be truly forgiving a person while you still have active anger/hatred toward that person?
I believe that forgiveness is a decision I make. "I forgive you", "I will not forgive you". If I say "I forgive you" but I'm still angry with you, have I actually forgiven you? Does forgiveness take away anger? Does the absence of anger mean that I have actually forgiven?
Luke 17:3 - "..if he repents, forgive him" So if he doesn't repent I don't have to forgive him?! (I wish...!)
But then Luke 23:34 "forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" so I have to forgive even when the other person doesn't realise they need forgiveness? (bummer!)
Colossians 3:13 "bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another" so bearing with each other and forgiving each other are different things.
forbear...(greek).... to suffer, put up with, endure...with repetition, intensity (from my Greek/Hebrew concordance dictionary thingy - it's a big book!) So we are to constantly endure, suffer and put up with each other in the repetitive and intense nature of ongoing relationships.
Hmmmm.... Paul seemed to know something about the nature of human relationships I think. Anyway, back to the forgiveness thing, I have to suffer other people again and again and THEN I STILL have to forgive them!
This really is a bit rambling today, but it is a genuine thing I'm thinking about - I would like to know if I'm fooling myself if I say I have forgiven D even though I'm still super duper angry with him. And by the way, the anger ebbs and flows. Some days it's quite consuming, and other days it's inconsequential.
I'd really like to know what other people think about this forgiveness/anger thing, and I don't just mean the people who 'think' they know about these things..... ;-)
I believe that forgiveness is a decision I make. "I forgive you", "I will not forgive you". If I say "I forgive you" but I'm still angry with you, have I actually forgiven you? Does forgiveness take away anger? Does the absence of anger mean that I have actually forgiven?
Luke 17:3 - "..if he repents, forgive him" So if he doesn't repent I don't have to forgive him?! (I wish...!)
But then Luke 23:34 "forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" so I have to forgive even when the other person doesn't realise they need forgiveness? (bummer!)
Colossians 3:13 "bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another" so bearing with each other and forgiving each other are different things.
forbear...(greek).... to suffer, put up with, endure...with repetition, intensity (from my Greek/Hebrew concordance dictionary thingy - it's a big book!) So we are to constantly endure, suffer and put up with each other in the repetitive and intense nature of ongoing relationships.
Hmmmm.... Paul seemed to know something about the nature of human relationships I think. Anyway, back to the forgiveness thing, I have to suffer other people again and again and THEN I STILL have to forgive them!
This really is a bit rambling today, but it is a genuine thing I'm thinking about - I would like to know if I'm fooling myself if I say I have forgiven D even though I'm still super duper angry with him. And by the way, the anger ebbs and flows. Some days it's quite consuming, and other days it's inconsequential.
I'd really like to know what other people think about this forgiveness/anger thing, and I don't just mean the people who 'think' they know about these things..... ;-)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Shopping Bags
I know, it's a bit off-topic compared to my usual rantings, but a change is good, right?!
The new shopping bag laws have caused us all to think more about being prepared for shopping. I've had 'green' shopping bags for years, but very rarely used them for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I didn't keep them in the car cos when you come home with food in them, you unpack them and then what? That's right, you stuff them in between the fridge and the wall, or any other 'out of the way' place in your kitchen. Then, when you make your next trip to the supermarket where are your bags? That's right, still stuffed in that hole in the kitchen. So you have a choice to either be an environmental vandal or pay another $1 for yet another bag that you know is going to end up in that collection stuffed between the fridge and the wall. I usually chose the vandal option. The other reason I rarely used my green bags was that I've had a very small kitchen bin for a few years and the shopping bags make perfect bin liners. I thought I was being friendly to the environment for doing this because I'm reusing - that's one of the R's isn't it? - reduce, reuse, recycle. So I have a beautiful plastic bag holder that was loving painted by my very crafty sister (PKE) and is always chokkers with bags.
Late last year my local Wooworth's supermarket took a very hard line on the whole plastic bag issue. They made the express lanes plastic bag free - why do that when the people who use the express lane are doing last minute, in-between-big-shops shopping. These people (of which I am one) are obviously not the most organised shoppers, otherwise they would have purchased everything they need on their weekly shopping trip. So why expect that they'll remember to have a green bag with them?! Anyway, back to Woolies. If I visit the store after picking up the girls from school both the express lanes are plastic bag free. Then they will have 2 other checkouts open (go figure - this has to be one of the busiest times of the day and they just won't open any more checkouts!). Of these 2 one will be plastic bag free. So if you need to shop-between-shops and are silly enough to do it just after school when millions of other people need to go to the supermarket, you have to make do with having only one checkout available to you if you need plastic bags! And remember this checkout is also being used by people who are doing their weekly shopping, so it's a very long wait. I actually called the Manager down to the service desk and explained how ridiculous I thought his particular logic was. I had been standing in a line with (and i'm not exaggerating, I did actually count!) 10 other people (plus associated children, trolleys, baskets) for about 15 minutes and they didn't open another checkout! I explained, very politely, to this man that if I came here again at that time of day and encountered the same situation then I would not come back. Two days later I went back after school and it was exactly the same! He said to me that it wasn't their choice, that the Govt was forcing them to do this. What a load of crap! I go to lots of other supermarkets and they don't operate the same way. Express lanes in other Woolies are not all plastic bag free. They have more checkouts open, especially when they can see a queue building.
I think some of the checkout operators are punishing my generation (and older ones) for damaging the earth to such an extent that now they have to pack fabric bags that are much heavier to lift to the end of the checkout than the plastic ones were. Ok, I get it, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we stuffed up the planet. I'm sorry that we've polluted. I'm sorry that we thought plastic was a miracle invention that solved the problem of chopping down trees to make shopping bags. But enough already! Relax! Let me have some plastic bags for my bin without making me feel like I've just sliced the throat of a baby seal! Cos if you don't give them to me, I'm going to have to buy plastic bin liners from Aisle 8, and they're probably going to take even longer to break down than the shopping bags.
What I actually wanted to talk about - got a bit off track there! - was that I have quite deliberately purchased green bags from various supermarkets. When I shop at Woolies (which is very rare now, but I do every now and then) I make sure I give the checkout operator my Coles and Foodland bags! When I go to Coles I make sure I give them the Woolies and Foodland bags to fill first! Am I just being pig-headed? Probably.
I'm not overly loyal to any one chain of supermarkets. I like Foodland cos they use (mostly) South Australian produce and I like to support my (almost) neighbours. They also have Bagel Boys bagels and I just loooooove them! I like Woolies (kind of) cos they have these boxes of Apple Bars that the girls really like for school - home brand of course so I can't get them anywhere else. Also my local Woolies is next to Big W, so if I have to go to Big W it just makes sense. And I like Coles for......not sure really! There is one not far from home and it used to be a Bi-Lo so it's nice and small. I like that. It's quick to get around. It does have less choice of brands but I can live with that. Oh yeah, I really like the Woolies at a bigger centre near me - they've had a major upgrade and have self-service checkouts! Yeah baby! I don't have to talk to checkout operators who want to know how my day is going (they don't know what they're in for - I actually said one day "I just found out my husband has been living a double life and after 10years of marriage we've separated, so my day isn't great"!!!) or they want to know what I've got planned for the weekend (my BF actually said to a young guy that asked her this question "why, do you want to ask me out?!")....I know they're doing their job but why can't their market research people ask me what I want - cos I'd sure as heck tell them I don't want 15 year olds prying into my private life! Anyway, a local Woolies has self-service. You scan it all yourself, pay by cash, card, get cash out, split the payment across two cards if you need to - you can do it all yourself and you don't have to speak to a single person! I LOVE that!
I thought of a term for myself this morning - I'm a green bag whore! I'll get them from anyone, anywhere. I even have one from the local library that I use at the supermarket. Last week when I was shopping I saw a lady who had co-ordinated bags! They were all exactly the same! I couldn't believe it. I thought it was quite sad, cos she's obviously organised enough to have bought them all at the same time, and always has them with her. I like to be a bit more random and surprising with my shopping bags. I have bags that are purple, pink, green black and blue. I have a very colourful trolley and now I'm actually remembering to put them in the boot after I've unpacked the groceries.
But I still won't go to the local Woolies unless I really really have to.
Happy shopping!
The new shopping bag laws have caused us all to think more about being prepared for shopping. I've had 'green' shopping bags for years, but very rarely used them for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I didn't keep them in the car cos when you come home with food in them, you unpack them and then what? That's right, you stuff them in between the fridge and the wall, or any other 'out of the way' place in your kitchen. Then, when you make your next trip to the supermarket where are your bags? That's right, still stuffed in that hole in the kitchen. So you have a choice to either be an environmental vandal or pay another $1 for yet another bag that you know is going to end up in that collection stuffed between the fridge and the wall. I usually chose the vandal option. The other reason I rarely used my green bags was that I've had a very small kitchen bin for a few years and the shopping bags make perfect bin liners. I thought I was being friendly to the environment for doing this because I'm reusing - that's one of the R's isn't it? - reduce, reuse, recycle. So I have a beautiful plastic bag holder that was loving painted by my very crafty sister (PKE) and is always chokkers with bags.
Late last year my local Wooworth's supermarket took a very hard line on the whole plastic bag issue. They made the express lanes plastic bag free - why do that when the people who use the express lane are doing last minute, in-between-big-shops shopping. These people (of which I am one) are obviously not the most organised shoppers, otherwise they would have purchased everything they need on their weekly shopping trip. So why expect that they'll remember to have a green bag with them?! Anyway, back to Woolies. If I visit the store after picking up the girls from school both the express lanes are plastic bag free. Then they will have 2 other checkouts open (go figure - this has to be one of the busiest times of the day and they just won't open any more checkouts!). Of these 2 one will be plastic bag free. So if you need to shop-between-shops and are silly enough to do it just after school when millions of other people need to go to the supermarket, you have to make do with having only one checkout available to you if you need plastic bags! And remember this checkout is also being used by people who are doing their weekly shopping, so it's a very long wait. I actually called the Manager down to the service desk and explained how ridiculous I thought his particular logic was. I had been standing in a line with (and i'm not exaggerating, I did actually count!) 10 other people (plus associated children, trolleys, baskets) for about 15 minutes and they didn't open another checkout! I explained, very politely, to this man that if I came here again at that time of day and encountered the same situation then I would not come back. Two days later I went back after school and it was exactly the same! He said to me that it wasn't their choice, that the Govt was forcing them to do this. What a load of crap! I go to lots of other supermarkets and they don't operate the same way. Express lanes in other Woolies are not all plastic bag free. They have more checkouts open, especially when they can see a queue building.
I think some of the checkout operators are punishing my generation (and older ones) for damaging the earth to such an extent that now they have to pack fabric bags that are much heavier to lift to the end of the checkout than the plastic ones were. Ok, I get it, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we stuffed up the planet. I'm sorry that we've polluted. I'm sorry that we thought plastic was a miracle invention that solved the problem of chopping down trees to make shopping bags. But enough already! Relax! Let me have some plastic bags for my bin without making me feel like I've just sliced the throat of a baby seal! Cos if you don't give them to me, I'm going to have to buy plastic bin liners from Aisle 8, and they're probably going to take even longer to break down than the shopping bags.
What I actually wanted to talk about - got a bit off track there! - was that I have quite deliberately purchased green bags from various supermarkets. When I shop at Woolies (which is very rare now, but I do every now and then) I make sure I give the checkout operator my Coles and Foodland bags! When I go to Coles I make sure I give them the Woolies and Foodland bags to fill first! Am I just being pig-headed? Probably.
I'm not overly loyal to any one chain of supermarkets. I like Foodland cos they use (mostly) South Australian produce and I like to support my (almost) neighbours. They also have Bagel Boys bagels and I just loooooove them! I like Woolies (kind of) cos they have these boxes of Apple Bars that the girls really like for school - home brand of course so I can't get them anywhere else. Also my local Woolies is next to Big W, so if I have to go to Big W it just makes sense. And I like Coles for......not sure really! There is one not far from home and it used to be a Bi-Lo so it's nice and small. I like that. It's quick to get around. It does have less choice of brands but I can live with that. Oh yeah, I really like the Woolies at a bigger centre near me - they've had a major upgrade and have self-service checkouts! Yeah baby! I don't have to talk to checkout operators who want to know how my day is going (they don't know what they're in for - I actually said one day "I just found out my husband has been living a double life and after 10years of marriage we've separated, so my day isn't great"!!!) or they want to know what I've got planned for the weekend (my BF actually said to a young guy that asked her this question "why, do you want to ask me out?!")....I know they're doing their job but why can't their market research people ask me what I want - cos I'd sure as heck tell them I don't want 15 year olds prying into my private life! Anyway, a local Woolies has self-service. You scan it all yourself, pay by cash, card, get cash out, split the payment across two cards if you need to - you can do it all yourself and you don't have to speak to a single person! I LOVE that!
I thought of a term for myself this morning - I'm a green bag whore! I'll get them from anyone, anywhere. I even have one from the local library that I use at the supermarket. Last week when I was shopping I saw a lady who had co-ordinated bags! They were all exactly the same! I couldn't believe it. I thought it was quite sad, cos she's obviously organised enough to have bought them all at the same time, and always has them with her. I like to be a bit more random and surprising with my shopping bags. I have bags that are purple, pink, green black and blue. I have a very colourful trolley and now I'm actually remembering to put them in the boot after I've unpacked the groceries.
But I still won't go to the local Woolies unless I really really have to.
Happy shopping!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Power of Place
It seems to be a very powerful thing, to know whose you are, where you belong, where you come from, where you go to for shelter and protection, etc.
I don't quite understand how a tattoo can fill this hole but it has. I feel like I've been branded, by my Dad. I guess in a crude sense it's like branding your cattle - it says they belong to you and if they are found wandering it's clear where they need to be returned to (or where they belong).
I think it was touched on a bit in the movie Australia when the young boy needed to go walkabout to find himself, to find who he really was as a person.
What do you do when you don't know what your heritage is? How do you find your sense of 'place' then? I think this has been part of my searching. Having found the signature of a parent I barely knew has helped me find my 'place'.
I don't quite understand how a tattoo can fill this hole but it has. I feel like I've been branded, by my Dad. I guess in a crude sense it's like branding your cattle - it says they belong to you and if they are found wandering it's clear where they need to be returned to (or where they belong).
I think it was touched on a bit in the movie Australia when the young boy needed to go walkabout to find himself, to find who he really was as a person.
What do you do when you don't know what your heritage is? How do you find your sense of 'place' then? I think this has been part of my searching. Having found the signature of a parent I barely knew has helped me find my 'place'.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Here it is!
So, this is my new tattoo - decided I didn't want to wait for it to heal up properly before I show you. It is a bit red and swollen, so it will look nicer in a week or so.
The guy who did it said my Dad had really crappy handwriting! I explained that he'd been a shearer, so when I first asked Mum for a signature I was kind of expecting it might be an 'X' on a page! I was actually impressed with it. I had to explain to the tattooist (who is an artist, a very very good one, and a perfectionist) that I know this isn't 'art' and what he's used to doing, but it's really important to me. He did understand that, and was encouraging me to come back and get some art done sometime.... we'll see.
It actually didn't hurt as much as I thought it would - but yes, it did hurt! There were two guys who got there at the same time and they'd both booked in for 4 hours of work!!!! Oh my gosh! I just can't imagine laying there for 4 hours with that sort of pain and no epidural! I did say to him that if he could give me an epidural I'd consider coming for a 4 hour session, but he just laughed so I guess that's not going to happen.
I'm going out for dinner tonight so hopefully it won't bother me too much while I'm being a little social butterfly. One thing's for sure - I'm positive it won't stop me from wanting to eat!!! lol....
I haven't told the girls yet that I've got it and they've just left with D until tomorrow afternoon. If I can I'll probably wait til it's healed up a bit first and looks a bit prettier.
Well, that's all for now folks. Cheerio
Tattoo
Hah! I bet that title got your attention!
I'm heading off shortly to get a tattoo. My Mum found a copy of my Dad's signature (from their wedding certificate) and I'm getting his signature tattooed near my heart. Why? Some of you would know why, but for the others, I've always felt I had a 'dad hole' in me. He died when I was about 4 years old. I don't think I really understood the dad hole until I reconnected with his half sister when I was in my twenties (late twenties I think). When I spent time with her that first time I remember thinking "this is where I've come from, this is who I am and where I belong". It's not that I felt like I didn't belong in my family - I've always felt very firmly a sense of belonging with my Mum and siblings. You'd only have to see a photo of us all to know that we're related and that gives a big sense of belonging, and also even though we're all quite different we are all very similar. But there were pieces of the puzzle of 'me' that were still missing for me, and getting to know Dad's side of the family has helped to fill those pieces. I will never be able to have a chat with my Dad but I feel that having his signature tattooed on me reminds me of where I belong, whose I am, and keeps him close to me in a way.
I'm also thinking about getting another tattoo (shock, horror, gasp!) perhaps on my lower back of a symbol of new beginnings. I haven't settled yet on what I want it to be, but I think perhaps for my birthday I might do that. But then again, after today I might decide I never want that sort of pain again!
Well, I'm gonna get going. Once the tattoo's stopped bleeding and pussing and crusting (!) I'll take a photo and post it here on my blog.
Wish me luck..... (I am quite nervous and scared about doing something so radical and permanent and painful!)
I'm heading off shortly to get a tattoo. My Mum found a copy of my Dad's signature (from their wedding certificate) and I'm getting his signature tattooed near my heart. Why? Some of you would know why, but for the others, I've always felt I had a 'dad hole' in me. He died when I was about 4 years old. I don't think I really understood the dad hole until I reconnected with his half sister when I was in my twenties (late twenties I think). When I spent time with her that first time I remember thinking "this is where I've come from, this is who I am and where I belong". It's not that I felt like I didn't belong in my family - I've always felt very firmly a sense of belonging with my Mum and siblings. You'd only have to see a photo of us all to know that we're related and that gives a big sense of belonging, and also even though we're all quite different we are all very similar. But there were pieces of the puzzle of 'me' that were still missing for me, and getting to know Dad's side of the family has helped to fill those pieces. I will never be able to have a chat with my Dad but I feel that having his signature tattooed on me reminds me of where I belong, whose I am, and keeps him close to me in a way.
I'm also thinking about getting another tattoo (shock, horror, gasp!) perhaps on my lower back of a symbol of new beginnings. I haven't settled yet on what I want it to be, but I think perhaps for my birthday I might do that. But then again, after today I might decide I never want that sort of pain again!
Well, I'm gonna get going. Once the tattoo's stopped bleeding and pussing and crusting (!) I'll take a photo and post it here on my blog.
Wish me luck..... (I am quite nervous and scared about doing something so radical and permanent and painful!)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Friendship and taking sides
Speaking to D the other night and he told me that he's going to a men's bible study at church now, and is going to a home group that we used to go to as a family for a while. We stopped going cos we seemed to spend most of the night trying to get the girls to go to sleep and then when they finally did, it would be nearly time to go home, so we kind of just gave up and stopped going.
I'm really happy for him that he's doing this stuff cos I know it will be really good for him and his journey. BUT I'm also actually angry at him for doing it. Curious, isn't it!? I'm angry that now he might journey through all this crap I've been wanting him to journey through for years, and he might actually deal with some significant stuff. And it's too late for us. Speaking with a friend of his today I said all this (above) and he said, why is it too late? I told him that I can't go back into marriage with Daniel after what he's done, and he said so there's no redemption for him then? It was an innocent question and certainly wasn't meant to judge me (at least I don't think it was) and it represents so much misunderstanding around our situation. I explained that my decision has nothing to do with redemption or forgiveness - I forgive him every single day, but I can never ever never trust him again. If you don't have trust you can't have a marriage. I think he understood what I was saying but there is a very fine line for me now with people making judgements about my decision and supporting us both through this. I get the feeling that some Christian friends are 'encouraging' him (trying to help him see the good in life and helping to lift him out of his despair) and either deliberately or inadvertently feeding his false hope that we will get back together again. I'm not just talking about this friend I spoke with today. How do you continue an honest friendship with both parties from a marriage breakdown, and not judge or mislead either of them? I'm not actually sure that any of us in our humanity can do it, and even with the wisdom and discernment we can have from God I don't think it's possible. So where does that leave us? I guess it leaves me assessing all my friendships with honest eyes and heart, and being realistic about what people can and do offer me in the way of support and what I expect from them.
I've been reading a book called "growing through divorce" and it has been really quite helpful, considering it's written by an American. He does talk about the fact that most (almost everyone) lose friends when they go through a divorce. I scoffed at that to start with but now I'm starting to see the truth of it. I don't for a second believe that people dislike me for my decision. But I do think some people are very challenged by it for lots of reasons, most of which I'll never even know about let alone understand. I am aware though that people who have been through 'similar' situations (ie separation and/or divorce) can view my separation through the lens of their own experience. This is just normal human behaviour. And it's reasonable then to think that if they made a certain decision then why can't I? Well, it's because my situation isn't the same as anyone else's. D and I are not the same people as they are, so we all bring different personalities and other issues to the situation. I can't deal with this the same way that other wives have dealt with similar issues. Because I am me. I am starting to understand why some of my friendships will be changing. I still value those friends dearly but I know that there's been a shift and my expectations will be different.
I guess to be honest, it didn't start just with the separation. There have certainly been instances in the past where I've gone through a significant time in my life and friendships have grown or faded through it, and I've just adjusted and kept going. Same thing now.
It's all food for thought.
On a completely different note, I have some friends with a little boy who is really sick. They adopted him from the Philippines and found out after he turned 2 that he has an awful condition called Chiari Malformation. He's gotten a lot worse (he's now 3) and they're flying to Sydney this weekend for him to have brain and spinal surgery to try and stop (or lessen) the effects it's having on him. Please pray for them all that the doctors will have success in halting the degeneration of his body, and that maybe they could find some kind of cure - there is no cure at the moment. They have three older children at home as well. A really tough time for them all as they (quite literally) are doing all they can for the life of their little boy.
Til next time
I'm really happy for him that he's doing this stuff cos I know it will be really good for him and his journey. BUT I'm also actually angry at him for doing it. Curious, isn't it!? I'm angry that now he might journey through all this crap I've been wanting him to journey through for years, and he might actually deal with some significant stuff. And it's too late for us. Speaking with a friend of his today I said all this (above) and he said, why is it too late? I told him that I can't go back into marriage with Daniel after what he's done, and he said so there's no redemption for him then? It was an innocent question and certainly wasn't meant to judge me (at least I don't think it was) and it represents so much misunderstanding around our situation. I explained that my decision has nothing to do with redemption or forgiveness - I forgive him every single day, but I can never ever never trust him again. If you don't have trust you can't have a marriage. I think he understood what I was saying but there is a very fine line for me now with people making judgements about my decision and supporting us both through this. I get the feeling that some Christian friends are 'encouraging' him (trying to help him see the good in life and helping to lift him out of his despair) and either deliberately or inadvertently feeding his false hope that we will get back together again. I'm not just talking about this friend I spoke with today. How do you continue an honest friendship with both parties from a marriage breakdown, and not judge or mislead either of them? I'm not actually sure that any of us in our humanity can do it, and even with the wisdom and discernment we can have from God I don't think it's possible. So where does that leave us? I guess it leaves me assessing all my friendships with honest eyes and heart, and being realistic about what people can and do offer me in the way of support and what I expect from them.
I've been reading a book called "growing through divorce" and it has been really quite helpful, considering it's written by an American. He does talk about the fact that most (almost everyone) lose friends when they go through a divorce. I scoffed at that to start with but now I'm starting to see the truth of it. I don't for a second believe that people dislike me for my decision. But I do think some people are very challenged by it for lots of reasons, most of which I'll never even know about let alone understand. I am aware though that people who have been through 'similar' situations (ie separation and/or divorce) can view my separation through the lens of their own experience. This is just normal human behaviour. And it's reasonable then to think that if they made a certain decision then why can't I? Well, it's because my situation isn't the same as anyone else's. D and I are not the same people as they are, so we all bring different personalities and other issues to the situation. I can't deal with this the same way that other wives have dealt with similar issues. Because I am me. I am starting to understand why some of my friendships will be changing. I still value those friends dearly but I know that there's been a shift and my expectations will be different.
I guess to be honest, it didn't start just with the separation. There have certainly been instances in the past where I've gone through a significant time in my life and friendships have grown or faded through it, and I've just adjusted and kept going. Same thing now.
It's all food for thought.
On a completely different note, I have some friends with a little boy who is really sick. They adopted him from the Philippines and found out after he turned 2 that he has an awful condition called Chiari Malformation. He's gotten a lot worse (he's now 3) and they're flying to Sydney this weekend for him to have brain and spinal surgery to try and stop (or lessen) the effects it's having on him. Please pray for them all that the doctors will have success in halting the degeneration of his body, and that maybe they could find some kind of cure - there is no cure at the moment. They have three older children at home as well. A really tough time for them all as they (quite literally) are doing all they can for the life of their little boy.
Til next time
Monday, March 2, 2009
Studying
Hi there readers. Is anyone out there??!!!!
Today I started studying with on line university. Something different. If I can stick at it, and succeed, I will get a Bachelor of Behavioural Studies sometime within the coming millenium. I logged on to the website today and was immediately overwhelmed with the amount of information to read through. I'll get there, but it's a bit tricky finding where 'there' is as there seems to be lots of hidey hole places that they publish all this information! Ah well, it's a great learning experience. At least I know how to use the computer. :-)
Our 'little' music group is just going crazy at the moment. Last year we saw steady growth all year (at times the growth was actually explosive but it always seemed to settle down after a couple of weeks). This year we're getting new families every week! We've had to say goodbye to a couple of families who are moving interstate or overseas so you'd think the whole natural attrition thing would kick in, but it doesn't seem to be. We had 31 families today over two classes and when many of these families have two or sometimes three children it makes for a very busy time! I'm glad my friend "Mrs Wiggle" has the energy to keep up with them during the singing time. I certainly get my fair share during play time too. The families really are great and it's just nice to get out and meet lots of different people from really different backgrounds each week.
I've been having a big battle with Centrelink lately - why can't anyone in that organisation get their information correct? For a couple of months I've had people telling me that it's ok to study part time, and that I will still be meeting my obligations to get the Parenting Payment. Then last Tuesday a lovely young lady in my local office explained that I actually need to be studying full time, or I need to get some work as well as study part time! Stike me pink! I thought I was doing the right thing! I came home and tried to enroll in another subject but of course enrolments closed two weeks ago so I can't! I just love Centrelink. I think I've kind of got it sorted now (after a meeting with the Manager of my local office) so we'll see how we go.
I think my psychologist is doing her job well - since I've been seeing her my emotions have gone to pot! Now that I've moved house it seems that there were a lot of issues I hadn't really given a lot of 'air time' to that are now demanding some attention. I'm really thankful that I have a psychologist who is sensible and intelligent both at the same time! Who'd have thunk it?!
Have had lots of 'explosions' with Madame I. Her Asperger's issues are quite prominent at the moment. There has been a lot for her to deal with- going back to school, moving house, being in a small room with a younger sister who knows just which buttons to press to get a big reaction, etc. I was thinking today about the Clipsal500 being set up and I remember last year going to see her psychologist when the roads were closed, then I realised it's the same time of year again. Perhaps it's something we'll have at the start of each year as she adjusts to the new grade, new teacher, new classmates, etc. So I'm going to just sit it out, love her lots and see if it settles down soon (I'm hoping it will!).
I've loved reading the blogs from Ozimum, a good friend who has just come home with her new daughter (and husband....) from China. It's been an amazing, beautiful journey and they have the most beautiful little princess. She's just gorgeous. It's been really nice seeing the joy she's already brought to their family.
Still haven't heard whether I'm allowed to have a garage sale, so keep watching this space....
Today I started studying with on line university. Something different. If I can stick at it, and succeed, I will get a Bachelor of Behavioural Studies sometime within the coming millenium. I logged on to the website today and was immediately overwhelmed with the amount of information to read through. I'll get there, but it's a bit tricky finding where 'there' is as there seems to be lots of hidey hole places that they publish all this information! Ah well, it's a great learning experience. At least I know how to use the computer. :-)
Our 'little' music group is just going crazy at the moment. Last year we saw steady growth all year (at times the growth was actually explosive but it always seemed to settle down after a couple of weeks). This year we're getting new families every week! We've had to say goodbye to a couple of families who are moving interstate or overseas so you'd think the whole natural attrition thing would kick in, but it doesn't seem to be. We had 31 families today over two classes and when many of these families have two or sometimes three children it makes for a very busy time! I'm glad my friend "Mrs Wiggle" has the energy to keep up with them during the singing time. I certainly get my fair share during play time too. The families really are great and it's just nice to get out and meet lots of different people from really different backgrounds each week.
I've been having a big battle with Centrelink lately - why can't anyone in that organisation get their information correct? For a couple of months I've had people telling me that it's ok to study part time, and that I will still be meeting my obligations to get the Parenting Payment. Then last Tuesday a lovely young lady in my local office explained that I actually need to be studying full time, or I need to get some work as well as study part time! Stike me pink! I thought I was doing the right thing! I came home and tried to enroll in another subject but of course enrolments closed two weeks ago so I can't! I just love Centrelink. I think I've kind of got it sorted now (after a meeting with the Manager of my local office) so we'll see how we go.
I think my psychologist is doing her job well - since I've been seeing her my emotions have gone to pot! Now that I've moved house it seems that there were a lot of issues I hadn't really given a lot of 'air time' to that are now demanding some attention. I'm really thankful that I have a psychologist who is sensible and intelligent both at the same time! Who'd have thunk it?!
Have had lots of 'explosions' with Madame I. Her Asperger's issues are quite prominent at the moment. There has been a lot for her to deal with- going back to school, moving house, being in a small room with a younger sister who knows just which buttons to press to get a big reaction, etc. I was thinking today about the Clipsal500 being set up and I remember last year going to see her psychologist when the roads were closed, then I realised it's the same time of year again. Perhaps it's something we'll have at the start of each year as she adjusts to the new grade, new teacher, new classmates, etc. So I'm going to just sit it out, love her lots and see if it settles down soon (I'm hoping it will!).
I've loved reading the blogs from Ozimum, a good friend who has just come home with her new daughter (and husband....) from China. It's been an amazing, beautiful journey and they have the most beautiful little princess. She's just gorgeous. It's been really nice seeing the joy she's already brought to their family.
Still haven't heard whether I'm allowed to have a garage sale, so keep watching this space....
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