Is it possible to be truly forgiving a person while you still have active anger/hatred toward that person?
I believe that forgiveness is a decision I make. "I forgive you", "I will not forgive you". If I say "I forgive you" but I'm still angry with you, have I actually forgiven you? Does forgiveness take away anger? Does the absence of anger mean that I have actually forgiven?
Luke 17:3 - "..if he repents, forgive him" So if he doesn't repent I don't have to forgive him?! (I wish...!)
But then Luke 23:34 "forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" so I have to forgive even when the other person doesn't realise they need forgiveness? (bummer!)
Colossians 3:13 "bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another" so bearing with each other and forgiving each other are different things.
forbear...(greek).... to suffer, put up with, endure...with repetition, intensity (from my Greek/Hebrew concordance dictionary thingy - it's a big book!) So we are to constantly endure, suffer and put up with each other in the repetitive and intense nature of ongoing relationships.
Hmmmm.... Paul seemed to know something about the nature of human relationships I think. Anyway, back to the forgiveness thing, I have to suffer other people again and again and THEN I STILL have to forgive them!
This really is a bit rambling today, but it is a genuine thing I'm thinking about - I would like to know if I'm fooling myself if I say I have forgiven D even though I'm still super duper angry with him. And by the way, the anger ebbs and flows. Some days it's quite consuming, and other days it's inconsequential.
I'd really like to know what other people think about this forgiveness/anger thing, and I don't just mean the people who 'think' they know about these things..... ;-)
1 comment:
Hmm, yeah, I know your struggle (previous family issues...) and I don't really have an answer. All I could do was to give it over to God, continuously, minute by minute if needed, so that I could try and not be overwhelmed and consumed by intense anger, hurt, etc.
Another method I tried was to act the forgiveness out, even if it was the last thing I felt like doing... I figured at least that'd stop me from doing something stupid.
But you know what?? It's ok to take time to deal with it!! We're humans, it's what we need/do. I couldn't expect to say that I'd forgiven him and the next morning wake up with the sun shining and the birds chirping. Even now the tears still flow occasionally, but time and constantly fighting against my "natural" urges has helped.
Love you :)
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