Tonight D told me about an organisation that holds groups (meetings) for people with addictions and their families. The families can go to meetings on a certain evening when the addicts are not there - to help come to terms with what has been happening and to show them how to help support the addict to a place of healing.
I don't want to go, but I do want to go.
I want to go to get some understanding of what has happened and why, in an effort to hopefully help me move on.
But I don't want to go because I am scared that I'll be pressured (externally or internally) to forgive him and take him back. Boy that sounds whacky! I'm actually scared that somehow, I'm going to feel pressure to reconcile with Daniel. So I don't want to forgive him so that I won't have to face that risk. Hmmmm, just as well I'm seeing a psychologist! This will give her something to discuss at our next meeting...
5 comments:
Yeah, you do sound whacky! But seriously... I think it needs a lot of thought - coz I sure don't envy you making your decision. Maybe wait a while? Before making a decision?
OK, and while I'm at it... you had a go at me for not blogging - you only did 5 in two weeks?!!! What have you been doing?!!! Besides tattoo'ing yourself?!!! (you go girl... I got one last year!! I am so cool now, no?!!)
Unless D comes up with the $9,500 for this program then this decision is one you may not have to make. My understanding of this program is that these groups are for the spouses of the participants of the program, for the purposes of gaining enough 'knowledge' so that they can support their partners better through their healing journey.
Maybe D is serious in pursuing healing for himself, but if he was that serious, I wonder why a 5 star treatment centre to the tune of $9,500, is his only option. It concerns me that is still trying to involve you in his journey, under the guise of finding help for you. I'm not sure that this is where you are at in your relationship with him. The whole idea of the partner's support night may seem to just further reinforce the 'ideal' of the family unit being together and it is this environment that you may find confusing and make you second guess the decision that you have already made. Don't let anyone or anything make you doubt yourself... remember that God wants to protect your heart in all of this.
D tried to convince me today (again!) that neither of you should be making any long term decisions for at least 12 months after the 'event'. I told him that you have the right to make any decisions you want because you are a strong & independent woman. He didn't seem to have anything to say to that!
What would be really ideal is a program where he can get the help that he needs and a separate support group where you can get support, advice & empathy from people who have been through what you have been through. This is what I will be praying for.... BF xx
Hi Jen
This kind of group won't necessarily be of help to you if it's primary focus is to enable YOU to help him to a place of healing. Unless that is actually what you want (which from my understanding you dont).
I would recommend a support group for you, that you can vent and hear about addiction and the affect it has on the families etc.
I agree you need to be on separate journeys of healing. No pressure to be or do anything. Allow God to help you through and see where you go from there.
Gee, I would not go to a 'family' type thing unless that is the direction you are definitely wanting to head in.
Allow him to work on his own stuff separately and where you don't need to be involved or witness it.
xxx
You are a legend, you know that don't you!
Just remember, forgiveness is a massive journey and anger is a normal part of it. Don't be too hard on yourself.
I think D needs to work on his own healing rather than wanting you to be involved in it. You being involved can only happen after he is well on his way and if and only if you wanted to begin again. I agree with BF seperate support groups are what you need and I think D trying to involve you in his "healing" is maybe just a way for him to say " see its not my fault I have a "problem" so you need to help me, another way of making excuses for his behaviour.
J
Hi honey,
I think a support group is a fabulous idea ... just not one that he's recommended!! The whole concept of that gives me the creeps ... and I get the feeling that the focus of those groups wouldn't be in line with your needs - more his needs. And it's all about you ... not him (except when it's all about me!) Love you. TE
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