Tattoo

Hah! I bet that title got your attention!

I'm heading off shortly to get a tattoo. My Mum found a copy of my Dad's signature (from their wedding certificate) and I'm getting his signature tattooed near my heart. Why? Some of you would know why, but for the others, I've always felt I had a 'dad hole' in me. He died when I was about 4 years old. I don't think I really understood the dad hole until I reconnected with his half sister when I was in my twenties (late twenties I think). When I spent time with her that first time I remember thinking "this is where I've come from, this is who I am and where I belong". It's not that I felt like I didn't belong in my family - I've always felt very firmly a sense of belonging with my Mum and siblings. You'd only have to see a photo of us all to know that we're related and that gives a big sense of belonging, and also even though we're all quite different we are all very similar. But there were pieces of the puzzle of 'me' that were still missing for me, and getting to know Dad's side of the family has helped to fill those pieces. I will never be able to have a chat with my Dad but I feel that having his signature tattooed on me reminds me of where I belong, whose I am, and keeps him close to me in a way.

I'm also thinking about getting another tattoo (shock, horror, gasp!) perhaps on my lower back of a symbol of new beginnings. I haven't settled yet on what I want it to be, but I think perhaps for my birthday I might do that. But then again, after today I might decide I never want that sort of pain again!

Well, I'm gonna get going. Once the tattoo's stopped bleeding and pussing and crusting (!) I'll take a photo and post it here on my blog.

Wish me luck..... (I am quite nervous and scared about doing something so radical and permanent and painful!)