Finishing what we started

Recently I've had discussions with my two favourite single mums in the world and we all seem to share very similar feelings and thoughts about our journeys, even though each of our journeys has been extremely different.
As one of my faves said just yesterday, it's like we (as a married couple) started a journey, then he left (or was asked to leave because of his actions) and we, the wives, are left to finish that journey on our own.
This resonated so deeply with me! I do feel like I'm finishing off what D and I started together. And it's difficult to do that on my own when it was a joint vision that started it. Regardless of why D isn't here with me, we both prepared for parenthood, we both discussed and set goals for our children, we both made plans for our chilren. And whilst I do consult him when it's reasonable, I am making a lot of decision by myself because often those decisions need to be made on the run.
An example is Madame I telling me a year or so ago that she wanted to determine which high school she went to. I responded that it's not just up to her. There are lots of things to consider such as how will she get there? How much will it cost for fees and other costs and can I (or Dad and I) afford it? What learning benefits are there for her and what risks are there for her with the issues she's had in primary school being perpetuated because of the style of school?
And besides which, I personally don't feel comfortable with my 11 year old telling me what she is going to do.....I think it's something we should discuss, but ultimately I (and her Dad, if I let him) will make the decision about her high schooling.
A long time ago D and I made a decision that he would go to University and get his teaching degree to give him better opportunities for work. Madame I was born soon after he started Uni and Princess S was born while he was still studying. We sold our home because we couldn't afford to pay the overheads and his tuition fees as well. We went into rental homes and both of us are still in rentals today. I stayed out of the workforce until he had finished studying because we would be worse off financially if I got a job.
Then I wanted to start studying. By this time I was working three days a week and our marriage wasn't in a very good place. D was withdrawn from the majority of our family life so I was the main carer (dare I say the only carer for about 95% of the time) of our children. I had to try and fit studying in around everything else. However, when he had studied, he had the luxury of being a full time student, of having me caring for the children 100% of the time and making sure they didn't interrupt his study. But when I wanted to study I had to fit it in around everything else. He would 'watch the children' for me, but in reality that meant him watching tv in the front room, me studying in the back room and the girls playing in the back yard where I could see and hear everything they were doing, and he could see and hear nothing.
Another area where we women seem to get totally shafted after a marriage breakdown. We sacrificed for our husbands to study and establish their careers, we postponed our own plans for study or career advancement, and now we're in a position where we can't study full time, or even part time, because our only work options are to be part time and scrimp by on a minimal income, or work full time for the extra money but have to spend a large portion of it in after school and holiday child care.
I don't have the same earning potential that D has. That is an absoloute fact. I will never be able to build my superannuation to a level similar to his. Even when the girls are older and both in high school, if one of them is sick it will still fall to me in the first instance to care for them and take time off work, not him.
I don't have the same social life potential that D has. I have the girls with me 12 nights out of 14. If I can't organise my social outings to be on those 2 nights that he has them, I have to try and find a babysitter. I have asked him a few times and altough I know he 'helps out when he can', the reality is he and his partner have a very active social life and often are not available on weekends to look after the girls. This does really annoy me. Especially at times like this last weekend where I just wanted a simple dinner with some friends I hadn't seen in a while. D only looks after them when it fits in with his schedule. So I can only have a social life when it fits in with his schedule. Except that this weekend my two single super mums came through and each took one of my girls. It was so good, I had a great time at the dinner and the girls each had a great time with their friends. But it annoys me that D doesn't get that it's his responsibility to look after  his children. He never did get that, so it's just ridiculous for me to expect it now, but I still do.....
Another issue came up in our discussions on the weekend that is bothering me. One of my friends has done a great job of applying herself to work and earning a decent income for her and her children whilst her husband 'isn't able to get much work'. Typically the suspicion is that he is doing cash work and not claiming it so he doesn't have to support his children. The twist comes in that because she's earning a normal wage and he isn't, and he has their children for 5 nights a fortnight, she now has to pay him child support!!!!! Farrrrrrr out! When I look at our situation I can see that could easily happen to us as well. Even though D is only still at 2 nights a fortnight and my income is about half what my friends is, I know that D isn't working much at all so doesn't have much income. If we get to the point that I have to pay him child support, I might do some serious harm to someone.
You try and do the best by your children and allow them to see their dad as often as they want, even though he is a moronic, self centred, cheating, lying piece of crap, and then you have to pay for the privilege....... now that is a system that really sucks the goodness out of the divorced world.
I have lots of things to be thankful for in my particular situation with D. The sense of good will on both sides is rare and appreciated. But there are still a lot of things about being a single parent, and in particular about being his ex wife, that actually really suck.