Back from holiday

My first blog! What a moment. Still not sure I want my thoughts out there, but we'll see how it goes.

Came home on Sunday evening from 7 days in Queensland, staying with some friends on the Gold Coast. The girls and I had an absoloute blast, doing things I just never thought we'd do.

I've never ever done an expensive holiday before. I'd always thought it was too frivolous and the money would be better spent on bills, or other things closer to home. I guess D had also reinforced that.

On our first day we went to Warner Bros. Movie World and when we walked in the gate I actually cried! I was a bit shocked by the emotion I felt, but it was so exciting to be in a place that I'd seen on tv etc and there we were! And to see the excitement on the girl's faces was just precious. We also went to Wet'n'Wild and Seaworld which were just great. I think Seaworld was the favourite for all of us. The girls were very tentative on rides first (this is just the rides in the little kid's sections - we didn't go on any in the 'big scary rides' sections!) but after a while they got their confidence up and there was just no stopping them! We went on the river ride at Movie World, where you go on a gentle boat ride looking for Bugs Bunny, and they were terrified! "Princess S" (second daughter) cried through half of it.....I couldn't believe how scared she was, or why, even tho it was dark etc, it wasn't really scary. My girls just take life so seriously.

On the second night there "Madame I" (oldest daughter) said "Mum, thank you so much for bringing us to Queensland". Boy, that was a very sweet moment.

We stayed with some friends who have both been married before and my good friend gave me some great advice and was a great shoulder to lean on. It was nice to be really understood. It was just so good to be away from home for a few days and not think about all the pressures waiting for me - dealing with D and all the emotional stuff that's still there for me, the practical stuff, looking for a new rental house that is a MASSIVE stress for me, paying bills, still wrestling with whether I should go back to work to make life more livable in the short term even though I know that's not best for us all, etc, etc.

Sometimes it's just so hard to do what you know is the right thing to do when it means life is a bit harder to navigate, when you could do something else that would make life a whole lot easier in some ways - it just sucks so much that having money gives you so many more options in life!

I feel so desperately helpless, and hopeless, about our house situation. I know God is in control and He knew what we would be needing a long time ago, but the daily wrestle is pretty intense at times. I do have moments (and sometimes even a few hours) of peace about it so I'm sure it will really be ok in the long run.

I guess that will do for now. Plenty more to come, but I don't want to overwhelm anyone who might actually read this.....