Housing and God's will

This is going to be just a great big whinge-fest - there's your warning!

I just can't believe the types of homes I am looking at in Adelaide for the money. A two bedroom shoe box for $280 a week, amongst a heap of other 2 bedroom shoe boxes. Then I look on realestate.com at Strathalbyn and I could have a 4 bedroom home with ducted air conditioning for the same price!

I have felt so strongly to not move the girls to another school, particularly with Madame I's Asperger's. She's in a school that finally understands and gives her amazing support (not that she needs a lot at school, but previously school staff have been hesitant to even acknowledge that she has a problem). The girls are both really happy in their school and I just don't want to move them - I would feel like a very irresponsible parent to move them again.

I try and have faith (in God) for a good home. I don't want a palace, but something with more back yard than a metre of concrete and another metre of scoria would be nice. Something with some kind of airconditioning would be nice. Something with two really good sized bedrooms would be good. Something that doesn't look like housing trust would be nice - you know, a neighbourhood where my kids would feel safe to at least walk to the letter box on their own.

So why can't I find what I need, and on the few occasions where I have found what I need, why do I not get accepted? Perhaps because of prejudice against single mums, perhaps because even though I have income I'm not actually employed by anyone (except my kids and they don't pay very well!).

Like I said the other day maybe there's some great lesson I need to learn before I can leave here. I can't even work out in my over-analytical mind what that might be - perhaps that's why I haven't learnt it yet!

How do you stand and keep fighting when everything seems to be against you? Even God doesn't seem to be listening or paying any attention.

I know He loves us all the time. We are His children. But does He bless us all the time? Or just when we do what He wants us to? That's rhetorical (just in case you're wondering). I know it's rhetorical, but in assessing and analysing my situation I wonder if there's a barrier to new housing because I'm not praying enough, or not worshipping enough, or maybe it's because I haven't been to church for a couple of weeks, or perhaps I'm harbouring bad feelings about people.....and the list goes on.

I know that as a parent I don't just want to bless my kids when they're behaving and doing what I want them to. I want to be there for them and bless them all the time. God is (apparently) a much better parent than me, so what gives? I don't even really see this as a blessing, but more a provision of a basic necessity.

I just don't understand, and can't see a way forward. I don't have any hope anymore and feel I'm just going through the motions. I feel trapped, all because I chose not to put up with the crap D was doing.

So if there are any theologians out there who would like to give me some input, please feel free! Or anyone who has a word of wisdom, I would appreciate it.