The D word

I've been quite surprised over the last few days by my emotions. I emailed D to let him know the divorce papers would be coming and his response triggered a tsunami of emotions that totally caught me off guard. I can hear you ask, wow, he must have really gone off his tree....what did he say?
Well, his response was "Not so much of a shock, been resigned to it now."
It was a real anti-climax. I felt quite deflated. Then later I experienced a flood of grief. Being the analytical person I am, I started probing my reaction to find the trigger. I realised that I had wanted D to fight for me. I wanted him to fight against his 'issues' and fight for me. I've been waiting for him to do this since I found out what he'd been up to, nearly a year ago. But all I've gotten from him has been lies, and empty platitudes about how sorry he is, and reasons why he thinks I've contributed to our marriage breakdown. So I'm left feeling a bit abandoned by him.
I have to say, I'm ok. I'm not in the depths of depression. I do feel sad and I've had a time of letting the grief out. But I am 'together' and coping. I have just been so shocked by my reaction to him finally accepting what is happening.
I had a chat with a very dear friend yesterday about it and she reassured me that whatever you feel is what you feel, it's not right or wrong and you can't predict how you're going to react. Just go with it. So thanks L, you're a great friend and I'm really glad we've gotten to know each other.
More to come....