If you have a child with special needs (and particularly one with 'hidden' special needs) I'm sure you'll be able to relate very well to my experience.
Madame was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome two full years ago. Her symptoms are much more significant at home than they have ever been at school.
The teacher she had when she was first diagnosed very confidently told me that Madame I doesn't have AS. I already had a personality conflict with this teacher - and the fact that she'd made some pretty derogatory remarks about me to my husband didn't help! I was trying to be the 'bigger' person and move on from that. Realising that she wasn't a psychologist and hadn't done any particular training in this area I chose to ignore her ignorance. However, if she wasn't going to accept the diagnosis, how could I convince her that Madame I needed extra help with some fairly small things, that would have a really big pay-off for me at home?
Well, D and I tried for a long time, then eventually we kind of just gave up. Madame I was very compliant in the classroom, very intelligent and coping well with her studies so what was the problem?!
Madame I also had issues with classroom structure and mostly with play time (lack of) structure but no-one seemed to think it was particularly their responsibility to do anything about that. And she was so compliant in class time that really, what was my problem?
Needless to say we moved schools and have found a school that is much more understanding and helpful for her (and therefore, for me).
Her teacher last year was great and seemed to really listen when I spoke. Then this year she got a new teacher (as they do) so I had to go through it all again....yes, I know she's very compliant in class but she really struggles with unstructured time, in particular play time. Did she take me seriously? I wish. After nearly a whole term I learned from Madame I that every Tuesday they change desks and sit with new people. This particular teacher does this as 'her thing' so that all the children get to know all the others....and it goes on for the entire year! For a child with AS, this is a huge problem because they don't cope well with change. So I went to talk to her again, and she (begrudgingly) agreed to allow at least one person from Madame I's table to move with her each week so there is at least a small amount of consistency.
Well, this morning I was in the classrom to watch Madame I present a science experiment - she did a great job. The teacher came over to have a 'chat' with me. She explained that Madame I has been allowed to sit next to her best friend Z Girl all the time. One day this week Z Girl wasn't at school and apparently Madame I just didn't cope at all well for the whole day! Said teacher is just shocked and dumbfounded that the absence of her best friend had such a huge impact on her.
Well, I sat there with a very self-satisfied smile on my face. At last the teacher understands what I'm talking about. And I'm sure her 'not coping' at school that day was miniscule compared to how she is at home.
The very sad (and frustrating) thing for me is that this whole scenario will be repeated every single year of Madame I's schooling because for some reason teachers don't want to accept that she has issues. There are all sorts of reasons for this and most of them I do understand, but it doesn't make it right. I am faced with having to push and push and push and advocate for my child because (most) teachers don't understand that parents really do know their kids best. If they could just treat me with some dignity and respect then everyone's life would be a whole lot easier!
Maybe I should print this out and just give it to her teacher next year....and the year after....and the year after....
2 comments:
As a teacher, I apologise for your experiences and those to come! I understand your frustration, as I see many teachers not take care of those with especially special needs the way they need to. Yet at the same time, in a class of 30, it can be hard to be aware of needs all the time. But it's in the little things like the seat-changing that we CAN do something.
Best of luck with the rest of her education! She's so lucky to have a mummy like you :) AB
I hear you and I totally get your pain. We've had teachers tell us that our child is no more special than any of the other children they look after (in the Special School), thereby completely discounting our experiences as unimportant and insignificant. If only they were.
I think that putting all of these experiences down in words that you hand to a teacher at the beginning of each year is a FANTASTIC idea ... you can actually get some kind of program from the W&CH that helps you to fill in the blanks for people for this exact reason ... so that you don't have to repeat your story.
The sad reality is that in the public (and indeed almost all school systems) children will have many teachers, which presents a significant barrier to learning for special kids like Madame I ... if only that was well understood.
And yes, you will have to fight ... for the rest of Madame I's school life and on into adulthood (groan) for the support that your child needs. Some people will 'get it' immediately and others never will, so you have to make the most of the opportunities you have with the former and minimise the damage caused by the latter when you can.
Keep at it honey and know that I'm sharing the journey with you (in spirit if not in person). xx TE
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