re my tattoo. I've been showing my siblings my tattoo as I see them. Usually I don't see some of them for almost 6 months or even a year. Over the last 2 weeks I've actually seen all of my siblings except for one! (my sister T who lives in the Riverland is the only one I haven't seen)
My tattoo is of my Dad's signature (taken from Mum and Dad's marriage certificate) and his name was Colin Mark Northcott.....there goes all my anonymity! When I showed one of my brothers he looked puzzled for a nanosecond and said with a smirk on his face "why did you get my name tattoo'd on yourself?!" then I realised he has the same initials as Dad...CM different first name but same middle name. Then yesterday I showed my other brother and one of his daughters was there and she also has the same initials and surname! So now I thought I had my Dad's signature, I also have my brother's and my niece's. Three for the price of 1!

I met with D's psychologist last week which was an interesting time (to say the least). D had said some things that I'd thought were not right and he seemed to think his psych was agreeing with what he was saying. So I thought it best to go straight to the horse's mouth (so to speak). Unfortunately the psych does agree with some of what D is saying. It seems he (the psych) believes that the 'therapy' D needs is to be told/reinforced who God has created him to be, ie a heterosexual man. If told this truth enough, he will become what he believes himself to be (or something along those lines). I expressed that although I agree we need to speak positively about the ideal of who God has created us to be, I think it's also very important that D is able to accept who he is now, and to take ownership of who he is now. This is something that he has been completely incapable of doing and is one of the biggest things that has bothered me about his 'therapy'. D will not accept that he is anything but a heterosexual man with some issues. [on a slightly funnier note a found an analogy the other day - D doesn't think he even has a closet, he sees it more as a drive-thru window! isn't that funny?!] When I told his psych that D won't admit he's anything other than hetero, his psych said "there is no question about it, D is bisexual". That was like a bolt of lightning for me. To hear someone tell me categorically that my husband is bisexual was both shocking and freeing at the same time. I know a lot of people in this world have issues with the use of labels, but I must admit I'm a bit of a 'label girl'. They do seem to help me deal with things. Maybe it's because I'm a fairly black-and-white person....and that's not always a good thing, but it's how I see a lot of things. I now accept that this is who he is, and I also accept that it may take him quite a long time to accept this for himself if he ever does. I don't really need for him to accept it anymore because I know it is the truth.
I now have a strange acceptance of my situation. I am sorrowful, and hopeful for myself at the same time. I hope that I will be loved one day, in the way that I want to be. The way I thought I was when I got married just over 10 years ago. Maybe.
D had a session with our pastor again yesterday and then rang me to ask if we could get together for a talk. He was crying a lot and said he wants to 'lay it all out on the table and explain a lot of things'. So tonight I'm going to his place to hear what he has to say.
After I left his psych's office last week I realised that I'd been holding out (small) hope that if he kept seeing this guy, then one day he could be the man that I need to be married to. After speaking to his psych I realised that he never will be, especially whilst seeing this man for 'therapy'. My pastor asked me what would show me that he was on the road to becoming that man. My response was "I know this sounds odd, but if he took off his wedding ring I would know that he was serious". Then I would know he's realised what he's done and that he doesn't deserve a life with me because of this betrayal. But he's not ever going to be the man that I need and now I feel like I can accept that a bit better, and move on just a little bit down that road to recovery.
Enough for now.